Saturday, June 16, 2018

Believe it or not, I’m still waiting for my new rolling computer desk from Amazon.

Hi, boys and girls! I thought I’d compose a second Howdygram post tonight ... because why the fuck not? It’s almost 9:30 p.m., the end of a quiet and relaxing day that included a refreshing bath at 6 p.m. when my hospice C.N.A. stopped by AND another fabulous unforgettable feast from Le Hospice Gourmet!

Tonight’s dinner? While lying on my back tonight I enjoyed a lovely can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli followed by a jar of crinkle-cut pickled beets with sour cream. No, I didn’t need Pepto Bismol for dessert — or a bib — because everything was dee-lish! I mean, just look at these beautiful foods … wouldn’t YOU want them for dinner?

As a matter of fact, I’m considering a little additional food after Sam and I finish watching “Real Time with Bill Maher” … I want a couple of sugar-free Popsicles (orange and grape) and a jar of Kraft Pimiento Spread with a small pile of saltines. I need a lot of little meals to keep up my strength as an old registered coot.

An ideal late-night snack shmeared on saltines.

This might be the perfect time to mention that I’VE RECENTLY LOST A TON OF WEIGHT … probably 75 pounds or more since I got home from the hospital at the end May. Most of this is “water weight” due to taking a high-powered diuretic (Lasix) that makes me empty my bladder into a catheter bag 24 hours a day. Trust me … I’ve been losing far more water than I consume, and as a result I’ve completely DEFLATED. And it feels great.

I just took my bedtime meds, with a juicy dose of extended release Morphine, so it’s time now to settle in for a late-night typing frenzy that might include a couple of emails if I’m in the mood. To tell you the truth, though, I’m not really as energized as I’d have you believe … I’ve been nodding off for the last half-hour and dropping things on the floor like a zombie. I probably need some sleep. Unfortunately, Sam is already in bed and he forgot to turn on my oxygen generator. Shit!

My oxygen level drops quite low at night (and also frequently during the day) — around 82% — so I need to wear a cannula and keep the generator running. (A normal oxygen reading is 95% and up.) Sam is the Official Oxygen Officer at Howdygram headquarters because I can’t reach anything from the chaise lounge except for a stack of napkins and a teeny bowl of blue packet artifical sweeteners. They’re on my rolling tray table.

Speaking about tables on wheels, the rolling computer desk I ordered from Amazon a few days ago was supposed to arrive today … but didn’t. According to various messages I’ve received from UPS, there was a “weather emergency” somewhere between Texas and southern California AND a “late trailer arrival” here in Mesquite … so delivery was rescheduled from Friday, June 15, to Monday, June 18.

My new rolling computer desk from Amazon is missing in action.

I’m trying to be very patient about this, because as soon as the desk arrives — and Sam has a chance to assemble it — I can finally set up my appointment with Half-Price Geeks to relocate my iMac workstation from the study to the family room while I jump up and down like an idiot. (Just kidding. I’m an invalid.) Then I’ll be able to get back to designing all my fabulous products for The Howdygram Store … greeting cards, funny mugs, iPhone cases, wall clocks, tote bags, throw pillows, party supplies and more.

Sample greeting card from The Howdygram Store.

Thank you for reading this, and please don’t forget to remember the Alamo. (And floss.)

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