Tuesday, August 5, 2014

It’s obviously legal to be a sociopath in Arizona.

Good morning and I hope you’re having an above-average Tuesday even though it’s only 9:15. I was supposed to be in the podiatrist’s office RIGHT NOW but had to reschedule due to still feeling unmotivated and limp. Also fuck wearing a brassiere and leaving the house, especially after having another truly lousy night. My shitty mystery fever may be gone — hallelujah and yee-haw — but now I’m at war with HYPOGLYCEMIA. Trust me. I’m definitely NOT IN THE MOOD for additional crap and aggravation.

I woke up twice during the night with low blood sugar episodes, and the second time around at 6:30 this morning was so bad I had to shriek for Sam to come running from the study to shovel handfuls of glucose tablets into my mouth. I was sitting on the edge of the bed so whacked-out and disoriented that I couldn’t stand up and couldn’t even lean over to reach the jar that was maybe 18 inches away on my night stand.

Seriously, people, if anybody ever gives you a choice of diseases DO NOT VOLUNTEER FOR DIABETES UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I can think of at least a dozen better diseases than this. Also, God bless Sam and God bless Wal-Mart’s tasty glucose tablets. (I like the assorted tropical fruit ones best.)

I think I’ll try to cheer myself up with a new Putz of the Week. Please allow me to introduce you to Dr. Peter Nathan Steinmetz, a brain scientist at the Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix, who was arrested on July 25 for parading around Sky Harbor Airport with a loaded assault rifle and pointing it at a terrified woman and her teenage daughter. Steinmetz told police his only reason for being there was to buy coffee at Starbucks and make a “political statement” because this America and Jesus gave us the Second Amendment. Everybody else can just go to hell.
While no formal charges were filed against Steinmetz by the Phoenix police since it’s obviously legal to be a sociopath in Arizona, officials at Barrow Neurological Institute have placed the doctor on administrative leave. Probably because who needs a brain scientist on staff who thinks it’s a smart idea to fight rush-hour traffic, pay $2 an hour for short-term parking and lug a fully-loaded eight-pound AR-15 through a busy airport to buy a goddamn cup of coffee.

Steinmetz is another ammosexual douchebag who thinks he can single-handedly save the United States from the Communist Kenyan in the White House. Over the last six years terrified crybaby conservatives have embraced, nurtured and encouraged every warped pathology in the book, and now it’s manifesting itself on every street corner in the country. I’m glad I’m almost 63 years old. I don’t think I can stand too much more of this horseshit.

Thank you for reading this. I mean it.

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