The Howdygram 2: We have a conundrum.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

We have a conundrum.

Here’s what’s going on, okay? When Sam was outside a couple of hours ago cleaning up the back yard and patio from the big-ass thunderstorm that roared through here Friday [see post] he found TWO ROOF SHINGLES on the grass on the south side of the house. Gah!

As we see it, however, there are two possibilities:

They blew off OUR roof.
They blew off SOMEBODY ELSE’S roof.

Since our entire subdivision was built by the same developer, most houses in the neighborhood have the same color roof and the wind on Friday was probably strong enough to send loose shingles flying for a couple of blocks, Sam and I are willing to go with possibility #2 until there’s adequate proof to the contrary.

If y’all have any thoughts on this subject please let me know. Thank you.

Ready for the Howdygram’s latest Putz of the Week? This time (once again) we want to recognize the Lone Star State’s shitty Attorney General Greg Abbott, a right-wing douchebag extraordinaire and candidate for governor in the November election. On Friday Abbott the Douchebag decided to pull out of THE ONLY TELEVISED GUBERNATORIAL DEBATE to be broadcast statewide on television. He had been scheduled to face Democrat Wendy Davis in a roundtable debate in Dallas on September 30 sponsored by WFAA-TV. Abbott’s reasons? Bullshit “concerns about the format.”

“We are deeply disappointed that the Abbott campaign has not lived up to the commitment it made to participate in this important debate,” said Mike Devlin, President and General Manager of WFAA. “We have [in the past] produced numerous debates which are balanced and fair to all the candidates. This debate would be no different. The citizens of Texas deserve to hear from the candidates for the most important office in the state.”

The Democrats slammed Abbott the Douchebag for being a jerk and a chicken. “Attorney General Greg Abbott is a coward,” said Will Hailer, Executive Director of the Texas Democratic Party. “Backing out of a debate shows his campaign isn’t ready for prime time. He and his team have a fundamental disrespect for Texans and he is unwilling to have his ideas questioned by the press and everyday voters.”

At least one Republican railed against Abbott the Douchebag as well. “To cancel one’s appearance in the only scheduled statewide televised debate, given the importance of this particular office, is unconscionable,” wrote Republican State Senator John Carona in an email to WFAA. “Greg Abbott is wrong to do this to the voters of Texas. He should have to defend his record, which is not without blemish. This, as you undoubtedly recognize, is the new strategy of the those relying on the vote of the far right. I’m a staunch Republican, but this is one more embarrassing move by a Republican candidate that either can’t or won’t defend his position on the issues.”

And not only is Abbott the Douchebag a coward, he also has a HUGE PROBLEM with those aforementioned “issues.”

During the past six years he’s lost 24 out of 26 frivolous lawsuits against the federal government, Governor Perry has refused to hire him as defense attorney to fight his recent felony indictment, and on Thursday he lost a hideously-expensive three-year court battle trying to defend the state’s unconstitutional system for financing education. (This involved cutting $5.4 billion from the public schools to accommodate bigger tax cuts for corporations.) But wait, there’s more! A stalwart crony of big business interests, Greg Abbott refuses to disclose the locations of dangerous chemical storage facilities in the state even after last year’s disaster in West, Texas, he’s been caught siphoning (i.e., STEALING) funds from cancer research, and his office sides against rape victims, defends medical malpractice, legislates breaks for the insurance industry, supports texting while driving (no shit) and drowns kittens.

I might be kidding about the kittens.