DEEP-FRIED BREAKFAST FOR DINNER. A 10-inch flour tortilla stuffed with scrambled eggs, breakfast sausage, bacon, potatoes, ham, onion, cheddar cheese and wads of a gooey cinnamon roll is deep-fried and served with a country gravy, salsa and a pico-queso dip. I think I might throw up. It’s the cinnamon roll that did it.
DEEP-FRIED TEXAS BLUEBONNET. A blueberry muffin is dipped in scone-style batter, stuffed with cream cheese, blueberries and white chocolate chips and then baked and deep-fried. Topped with whipped cream, more white chocolate chips, powdered sugar, blueberries and blueberry glaze. Pass the insulin.
FRIED SRIRACHA BALLS. Shredded chicken, corn, green chilies, tomatoes, and Sriracha hot sauce formed into balls, coated with crushed tortilla chips and flash-fried. I don’t understand America’s love affair with Sriracha. Seriously.
ORIGINAL STATE FAIR FUNNEL CAKE ALE. Refreshing English-style summer ale is brewed with all great flavors you find in a perfectly-executed funnel cake. The rim of your cup can be coated with powdered sugar on request. Must be 21 years of age and a certified mental case to drink this weird crap.
FRIED GULF SHRIMP BOIL. Baby gulf shrimp, diced red potatoes, onion, lemon, and spices are rolled into a ball around a cocktail shrimp, dusted and fried with the tail sticking out for a handle. Served with a remoulade sauce. I could actually eat this all day long.
CHICKEN-FRIED LOADED BAKED POTATO. The guts of a baked potato are loaded with butter, bacon, and cheddar cheese, battered with a blend of spices and flour and then deep-fried. Served with a ranch dipping sauce. Meh.
FRIED SWEET TEXAS. Fresh dough filled with crunchy pecan pie, juicy peach cobbler, and creamy buttermilk pie, deep-fried and served with a side of Texas’ own Blue Bell Vanilla Ice Cream. Nope nope nope. I just can’t.
TWISTED TEXAS TACOS. Hickory smoked Texas beef brisket dipped in a barbecue-spiced batter and deep-fried, wrapped in a flour tortilla layered with a Mexican cheese blend, crispy fried okra, cole slaw and poblano pepper corn niblets. Served with country gravy, spicy Texas chili and a miniature salute from the Lone Star flag. This sounds like a deep-fried version of all the week-old leftovers in Rick Perry’s refrigerator.
DEEP-FRIED TEXAS BLUEBONNET. A blueberry muffin is dipped in scone-style batter, stuffed with cream cheese, blueberries and white chocolate chips and then baked and deep-fried. Topped with whipped cream, more white chocolate chips, powdered sugar, blueberries and blueberry glaze. Pass the insulin.
FRIED SRIRACHA BALLS. Shredded chicken, corn, green chilies, tomatoes, and Sriracha hot sauce formed into balls, coated with crushed tortilla chips and flash-fried. I don’t understand America’s love affair with Sriracha. Seriously.
ORIGINAL STATE FAIR FUNNEL CAKE ALE. Refreshing English-style summer ale is brewed with all great flavors you find in a perfectly-executed funnel cake. The rim of your cup can be coated with powdered sugar on request. Must be 21 years of age and a certified mental case to drink this weird crap.
CHICKEN-FRIED LOADED BAKED POTATO. The guts of a baked potato are loaded with butter, bacon, and cheddar cheese, battered with a blend of spices and flour and then deep-fried. Served with a ranch dipping sauce. Meh.
FRIED SWEET TEXAS. Fresh dough filled with crunchy pecan pie, juicy peach cobbler, and creamy buttermilk pie, deep-fried and served with a side of Texas’ own Blue Bell Vanilla Ice Cream. Nope nope nope. I just can’t.
TWISTED TEXAS TACOS. Hickory smoked Texas beef brisket dipped in a barbecue-spiced batter and deep-fried, wrapped in a flour tortilla layered with a Mexican cheese blend, crispy fried okra, cole slaw and poblano pepper corn niblets. Served with country gravy, spicy Texas chili and a miniature salute from the Lone Star flag. This sounds like a deep-fried version of all the week-old leftovers in Rick Perry’s refrigerator.
Sam and I went to the state fair the first year we moved to Texas in 2007. It’s outrageously huge with outrageously huge crowds of sweaty people, and there’s so much going on — pig races! cattle! jazzy cars! pie contests! games! rides! greasy food! quilting demonstrations! really loud music! four pavillions of genuine Texas hucksters selling crap you see on TV! — that you couldn’t absorb it all if you came back every day for a week. Unfortunately, now that I’m a handicapped old lady with shitty feet and knees I could never go again without one of the following mobility aids: 1) a power scooter; 2) a dedicated wheelchair-pusher with the patience of a saint; or 3) a motorized toilet on wheels with cup-holders.
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