Here’s the news of the day from Howdygram headquarters in neat little subtitled paragraphs.

Because all the best putzes are politicians, for the time being there will be a self-imposed moratorium on our popular Putz of the Week award as part of my continuing campaign to prevent a BRAIN HEMORRHAGE by avoiding news websites and all human contact with anything that resembles politics or current events. That being said, I guess there really isn’t much else to do around here except write rambling Howdygram posts about what’s for dinner, old movies, record-setting naps and how pleasant it is to be a retired senior citizen with frequently-shitty mobility.

Therefore, here’s the news of the day from Howdygram headquarters in neat little subtitled paragraphs. Just because.

WHAT’S FOR DINNER. It’s only 4:30 in the afternoon and I have absolutely no idea. I’d consider Oscar Mayer pickle & pimiento loaf on low-carb toast, but that’s what I had for lunch and I don’t want you to think I’m boring.

OLD MOVIES. Today’s featured afternoon nap movie was A Date with Judy (1948), typical MGM semi-musical fluff starring Jane Powell, Elizabeth Taylor, Wallace Beery and Carmen Miranda doing her usual chic-chica-boom crap. In the photo below she’s teaching Wallace Beery the rhumba so he can surprise his wife for their wedding anniversary. It’s enough to make you gouge your eyes out.

The plot is entertaining but thoroughly pointless, with Jane Powell and Elizabeth Taylor as a pair of giggly, conniving 16-year-old girls competing for the same boyfriend. The boyfriend is played by Robert Stack, who was a little too old in real life (29) to be believable as a high school senior, but what the hell, this is Hollywood. Jane gets to sing a lot of songs, most of them drippy, and also on hand are Xavier Cugat and his orchestra for no discernible reason whatsoever except to give Carmen Miranda a reason to turn up as a rhumba teacher with idiotic hats.

RECORD-SETTING NAPS. Today I slept from 9 a.m. until noon and again from 1:30 to 3:45. I have no idea why I need so much sleep these days, but I suspect I’m still recovering from last week’s shitty mystery fever and cellulitis. Plus I’m also still shlepping around — for the third consecutive week — with a seriously miserable bout of plantar fasciitis in my left heel. Although I hate to admit it, I’m pretty sure my tap-dancing days are over, people.

Thanks for stopping by. I mean it.