Rick Perry, our most-awarded Putz of the Week, has been indicted for abuse of power.

Hello, happy Saturday, and guess who’s having another episode of hypoglycemia. ME. After I got up for my middle-of-the-night senior citizen bathroom adventure around 4:15 I couldn’t fall back asleep due to every ten minutes my eyes would pop wide open and I’d find myself doing this weird deep-breathing thing like when you go to the doctor. Finally I just got out of bed, shlepped into the study on my shitty plantar fasciitis heel and tested my blood sugar, which was 51. VERY LOW. And now you know why I’m sitting at my desk at 5:38 in the morning sucking on glucose tablets. I’d rather have a Sausage McMuffin, but we all have to live with disappointments.

In case you haven’t seen this news headline yet, Texas Governor Rick Perry — the Howdygram’s most-awarded Putz of the Week — was indicted yesterday by a grand jury on two felony counts for abuse of power. The charges include one count each of abuse of official capacity and coercion of a public servant after Perry tried to force Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg to resign in 2013. This is so exciting I might have a nervous breakdown, people.

So exactly what did Governor Putz do? He’s been charged with intimidation for threatening to veto $7.5 million in state funding to the Public Integrity Unit (PIU) run by Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg. The threat came after Lehmberg pleaded guilty to a DUI in 2013; Perry (illegally) demanded that she resign her elected position, Lehmberg refused, so Perry vetoed funding for the PIU. Need a smoking gun? At the time, the Public Integrity Unit was investigating mismanagement and corruption related to the governor’s landmark initiative, the Cancer Prevention and Research Institute of Texas, which is run by his cronies and pals.

Perry faces up to 109 years in prison if he’s convicted. Let’s all cross our fingers, okay?

Ironically, Governor Putz’s Twitter account responded to the indictment by asking for dough to elect more underhanded Republican douchebags who are JUST LIKE HIM. Is this guy an idiot, or what?

Thank you for your support. I want to go back to bed now and annoy Sam.