Monday, June 30, 2014

Depressing realization. My ass is costing us money.

I’ll begin this post with assorted retractions and clarifications because sometimes even the most intelligent retired senior citizen can write a bunch of misleading crap [see previous post]. I’ll take these issues one at a time so go pour yourself a Marcytini and get comfortable.

THE FREE REPLACEMENT CHAISE FROM MACY’S. I always thought it was Macy’s $350 Worry-No-More protection plan that paid for our new sectional a couple of years ago when the cushions started to sag, but I was wrong. It was the manufacturer’s warranty. I found out today that our leather chaise isn’t covered by the same manufacturer’s warranty, so apparently the gigantic butt dent made by my gigantic butt isn’t a legitimate “covered accident” that qualifies for the protection plan’s free repair or replacement. Therefore I ordered myself a brand new chaise — same manufacturer, same color, same everything — for delivery in August as soon as it’s back in stock. (Depressing realization. My ass is costing us money.)
SAM GETS HIS NEW PHONE. Except it’s not the free iPhone 4s that I mentioned yesterday. He went to Costco this morning and bought himself the 5s model with all the juiciest bells & whistles (do iPhones whistle?) and a swell black case. The iPhone 5s has a bigger screen than the 4s but weighs less and it looks great in Sam’s pants pocket. I wonder how he’ll carry it around when he’s naked.
A DECENT EXPERIENCE WITH AT&T. I called this morning to cancel my cell phone service because I’m a housebound old lady with an antique flip-phone that died in 2013 and haven’t been able to make or receive calls for more than a year. Aside from an outrageous length of time on hold — you call yourselves a COMMUNICATIONS COMPANY? — I eventually wound up with a polite agent named Jocelyn B. who took care of business without talking to herself, discussing the weather or trying to engage me in a bunch of annoying small-talk. (This actually happens a lot at AT&T. I think it’s part of their script.)

Know what? I really want to present Chief Justice John Roberts with the Howdygram’s Putz of the Week award but I’m not sure I can deal with the frustration right now. The subject? This morning’s Supreme Court decision by five old conservative men allowing the douchebags at Hobby Lobby to impose their personal religious horseshit on thousands of female employees by denying them contraceptive coverage through their health insurance plan. What is clearly a devastating strike against every woman’s well-being and reproductive freedom — and paves the way for a minefield of cases supporting a corporation’s right to discriminate because Jesus said so — obviously gives right-wing asshats like Erick Erickson, the smirking editor of, plenty of reason to rejoice (see below). HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP. I just can’t. Maybe later. Bear with me.
It’s already after 8 and I haven’t given much thought yet to dinner. This is stupid on a number of different levels, but mostly because I have diabetes and my blood sugar can do strange crap if I’m not paying attention. Plus I’m hungry. THANK GOD FOR LEFTOVER MEATLOAF AND PAPER PLATES!


Ms Witch said...

I am so depressed I am in the kitchen trying to figure out whether to just drink the vodka directly from the bottle or search for a Marcytini recipe.

Marcy Marks said...

You have my blessing to go with the Marcytini with a bag of Lay’s Mesquite Kettle Chips on the side. This has nothing whatsoever to do with the Supreme Court, Hobby Lobby or right-wing douchebags but at least you won’t be hungry or thirsty. Thank you for reading the Howdygram!