Can anybody explain why Republicans are so obsessed with gay sex? I just don’t get it.

Good morning, boys and girls! It’s a few minutes after 7 and I’ve been up for the last hour with neuropathy pain mostly in my feet and a dull headache that’s mostly in my head. There’s not much I can take for any of this, medication-wise, so I have to fall back on tried and true home remedies like braunschweiger on white toast with sweet pickles. (Stop laughing. It works.)

My post this morning will focus on Governor Rick “Hairdo” Perry of Texas, the three-term swaggering simpleton living in our statehouse in Austin, who managed during this past week to score a PERFECT ZERO in a test of leadership. This is especially important if you consider that he’s probably considering a second run for the White House when his term as governor ends this year even though ABSOLUTELY NOBODY thinks he’s qualified. And so, once again, Rick Perry is the Howdygram’s Putz of the Week!

I’ll begin with Perry’s remarks this week to a reporter for the New York Times Magazine: “I’m more Jewish than you think I am. I read the part of the Bible that said the Jews are God’s chosen people.” I suppose he thinks this works in much the same way that reading Gone with the Wind makes him Mammy. Or to put it another way, the voters elected Obama. The voters elected me. Therefore I must be a schvartzer!

Continuing his nationwide tour to steal jobs for Texas, Perry made some additional shockingly stupid comments at a recent San Francisco (of all places!) Q&A session where he compared homosexuality to alcoholism. When the moderator asked if Perry believed homosexuality is a disorder, he said: “Whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not you have the ability to decide not to do that. I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.”

You know what? It takes a certain caliber of moron to compare sexual orientation to a fatal disease, and then to throw in a casual reference to “genetic coding” (if he even knows what it means) demonstrates that Perry has no familiarity whatsoever with research that’s been done on the biological roots of sexual orientation or with the belief that it’s healthy or even possible for a gay man or woman to simply to “desire not to do that.” Think about that carefully for a minute, Governor Idiot. As a heterosexual, would a few decades of “not doing that” work for YOU?

Perry pushed it a step further at the Texas Republican Convention last week when it came to the topic of “reparative therapy,” the universally-condemned practice of quack doctors trying to convert homosexuals to heterosexuality. The draft platform of the Texas Republican party unanimously endorsed it for “patients who are seeking to escape from the homosexual lifestyle.” When Perry was asked if reparative therapy works, he said he didn’t know. THEN WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU ENDORSE IT! Only a party of terrified, low-information know-nothings would choose to ignore the American Psychiatric Association’s official statement, which says: “We oppose any psychiatric treatment, such as ‘reparative’ or ‘conversion’ therapy, which is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder, or based upon a prior assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation.”

Can anybody explain why Republicans are so obsessed with gay sex? I just don’t get it. I think they should focus instead on issues with genuine substance like their favorite mythical outrage: BENGHAZI!