The Republicans were in favor of bringing home Sergeant Bergdahl until Obama actually did it.

I think I’m sliding into another miserable funk due to an inexhaustible abundance of political horseshit in the news. This happens to me from time to time, and the only things that usually snap me out of it are: 1) braunschweiger on low-carb white toast with sweet relish; 2) a good screwball comedy; 3) shopping; or 4) outrageous amounts of SLEEP. Since I have zero braunschweiger in the house I’ll have to settle for items 2 through 4. Today’s shopping spree included a nice little alarm clock for Sam’s trip to California later this month and a tasty boxed set of Lou Malnati’s Chicago deep-dish pepperoni pizzas with a free fancy Father’s Day cookie for no apparent reason whatsoever ... a $5.95 value!

In case you give a crap, the alarm clock (from Amazon) will be here tomorrow; the pizzas arrive on Thursday packed in dry ice.

And now for a brief discussion about the GOP’s outrage du jour: President Obama’s release of five Guantanamo Bay detainees in exchange for prisoner-of-war Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl, who had been held for five years in Afghanistan. President Obama, of course, is being called a criminal, a weakling and an ignoramus, he’s accused of endangering America, and an immediate demand for his impeachment began before the ink dried. Ironically, Republicans in Congress were all in favor of bringing home Sergeant Bergdahl UNTIL OBAMA ACTUALLY DID IT.

Seriously, if the release of five men from Guantanamo Bay is so freakin’ HEINOUS, why didn’t the GOP have a brain hemorrhage when George W. Bush freed 520 detainees between 2007 and 2009? That’s easy! Because Bush was a patriotic American, a Christian and a Republican — NOT A COMMUNIST NAZI MUSLIM FROM KENYA — even though one of those 520 detainees is Abu Sufian bin Qumu, a suspect in the Benghazi embassy attack! But like magic, the smoking gun always swings back to Obama.

I think President Obama has proven himself to be a very cool, very classy dude considering all the batshit crazy hate, conspiracy theories and lies aimed at him during the last five years. The Howdygram LOVES President Obama. (If you disagree, either change your mind or deal with it. okay?)

Now it’s time to begin working on items 2 and 4 (see my first paragraph) while I ponder several uncomplicated options for dinner because I’m starving. I’ll accept your menu suggestions via email for the next 15 minutes. Thank you for reading this.