The Howdygram 2: I’m really anxious to get back to my creative life again.

Sunday, October 21, 2018

I’m really anxious to get back to my creative life again.

Good morning to you, one and all. Also shalom in case you didn’t know, or had forgotten, that Sam and I are Jewish.

After comparing four potential new Medicare Advantage plans for 2019, I’m pleased to announce my decision! I’ve decided to sign up for the Blue Cross Medicare Advantage Choice Plus (PPO) with a $0 monthly premium. The other three plans also had a $0 monthly premium … but Blue Cross stood out from the rest with its cheaper drug coverage.

Believe it or not, I don’t really have to concern myself with any other aspects of these Medicare Advantage plans because my hospice covers all of my medical care, durable medical equipment and other prescriptions directly through Medicare. I take nine prescription medications; I’m only responsible for refilling and paying for one of them … Humulin R insulin.

Blue Cross lists Humulin R as a Tier 2 drug with a $14 monthly co-pay. (Buying a three-month supply knocks that figure down to $9.) The other three Medicare Advantage plans list Humulin R as a Tier 3 drug with a $47 monthly co-pay. That’s a yooge difference!

So later on today I’ll call Blue Cross and make it official. If you want to come over and join the viewing gallery, please SEND AN EMAIL to reserve your spot. I have cookies. Thank you.

I did it. I just signed up for my Medicare Advantage plan! The entire hoo-hah took about 15 minutes, and now I’m in the process of doing the perfectly-acceptable electronic “signature” thing (which I’ll never understand if I live to be 1,000) and sending the form back. To those of you who wanted to join the party with me and bothered to send me a reservation email, thank you for your interest. (However there must be something wrong with you.)

Let’s move on, shall we? After 10 days with a Hoyer Lift and three sessions watching Sam struggle like Spartacus to hoist me off my hospital bed, I’m finally ready to let everybody know what I honestly think of this contraption. THE GODDAMN THING DOESN’T WORK.

The reasons why are listed here: 1) it’s unbearably uncomfortable; 2) it’s much too difficult to stuff me into the sling, lift me, move me, turn me and reposition me on the commode or bench … and then remove the sling, which is absolutely enormous; and 3) start all over again to get me back where I started from.

Frankly, all of this is ridiculous … and it’s also far too exhausting for all parties involved. Which means I’ll just have to get adjusted to a fucking bedpan and find another way to access my iMac workstation.

Bedpan adjustments will come with time, I suppose, but I’ve already got a solution for the workstation. If I place the iMac on my rolling tray table I can use the laptop desk pictured below, which I just ordered from Amazon, that has a large padded space on the right for my wireless mouse and a neat little slot for my iPhone.

A padded lap desk for my 17" iMac keyboard and space for my wireless mouse and iPhone.

If this works out the way I envision it, I’ll be able to get back to my creative life again … designing greeting cards, mugs, holiday throw pillows and assorted other whatnots for The Howdygram Store. It’s been at least three weeks since I’ve been able to do that. I’d been hoping that the Hoyer Lift could move me to the bench with the rolling workstation desk in front of me, but it just hasn’t happened because the Hoyer Lift stinks.

Sam knows how frustrated and unhappy I am. On a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being completely despondent, I’m about an 8¾.

Aside from all of the above, there’s not much of anything going on here today aside from eating all that food we bought from Wal-Mart. For instance, on Saturday I ate one medium-size hunk of TYSON BUFFALO CHICKEN STRIPS with cole slaw for an early lunch, and for dinner Sam and I shared a family-sized container of STOUFFER’S STUFFED PEPPERS (two peppers each) with BOB EVANS’ SOUR CREAM AND CHIVE MASHED POTATOES. All of these divine prepared foods gave us two excellent meals that were also easy to prepare (thank you, Sam). Therefore we are pleased to award Tyson Buffalo Chicken Strips, Stouffer’s Stuffed Peppers and Bob Evans’ Mashed Potatoes with our coveted five-chopper rating. Go buy some!