I’ve been asleep practically nonstop for the last 13 hours.

Here’s some late-breaking news from our Marcy’s Secret Recipe For A Seriously Boring Sunday department: I’VE BEEN ASLEEP PRACTICALLY NONSTOP FOR THE LAST 13 HOURS not counting two brief trips to the bathroom, two breaks for assorted pills and two handfuls of Lay’s sour cream & onion potato chips. In addition, Sam tells me I successfully slept through a series of fine films that included The French Connection (1972) starring Gene Hackman in an irritating hat, Revenge of the Nerds (1984) starring Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards, Angels in the Outfield (1951) starring Paul Douglas and Janet Leigh and Big City Blues (1932) starring Joan Blondell and Guy Kibbee. Holy crap.

At the moment it’s 1:15 a.m. Monday morning and I’m really, really hungry. This would make perfect sense due to not having eaten since my two Schwan’s biscuit sandwiches yesterday for breakfast, so I’m considering 18 units of insulin and a plate of teeny tacos from Costco. While I migrate into the family room to feast I will leave you with this ridiculous picture of Kim Kardashian sporting her brand new idiotic over-bleached white hair while trying to achieve maximum attention at Paris Fashion Week with her breasts, her mother and Kanye West.

Thank you.