Has Mitch McConnell started a right wing coup d’état?

Show of hands. Have you ever visited any of the Howdygram-approved “Let’s Go Shopping” websites listed in the right sidebar? If you haven’t, WHY THE HELL NOT?! Some of them are truly swell, especially the first one — FragranceShop.com — where you can buy thousands of name-brand perfumes REALLY REALLY CHEAP. And you should also check out their roll-on knockoff designer fragrance oils because the quality is outstanding. I’ve been buying these things for years and keep four or five in a little empty AA battery box in my desk in the study just for the hell of it. Anyway, this morning in a sudden fit of wanting to smell gorgeous I ordered myself all of the following fragrances in the large 3.4-ounce bottles.

The only one of this bunch I’ve never actually tried before is Cool Water Sea Rose Coral Reef, but I’m not worried about this because Davidoff’s original Cool Water (in the blue bottle) has always been an old favorite of mine and I’m pretty sure the manufacturer wouldn’t sell their loyal customers a bottle of pastel water that smells like armpits.

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I’ve got another Putz of the Week for you, and I have to admit, this one is enough to launch a full-scale panic attack if you read between the lines and see this asshole’s deed for what it really is: A RIGHT WING COUP D’ÉTAT. Our latest honoree is Senator Mitch McConnell, the Republican shitbag from Kentucky who also serves as Senate Majority Leader, who has written a letter to the governors of every state telling them to ignore a directive from the Obama administration to cut greenhouse gas pollution from coal-fired power plants. Seriously.

McConnell’s letter insists that a new proposal by the EPA to reduce carbon emissions — called the Clean Power Plan — is not really legal because the EPA is run by the Obama administration, and since President Obama is a man of objectionable color, obviously foreign born and “not one of us,” he doesn’t actually have any authority to be president.

“I have serious legal and policy concerns regarding this proposal,” McConnell writes. But he fails to mention that his “policy concerns” are tied into Kentucky being one of those states that really loves its coal industry and wants the EPA to stay the fuck out and let Kentucky destroy the environment for freedom and liberty and the almighty buck. McConnell, who is not a scientist but did go to law school, where he apparently stayed in bed nursing a moonshine hangover on the day they taught What Is The Law And How Does It Work, wants governors to know that in his legal and senatorial opinion there is no need to comply with the Obama administration’s new proposal. Plus, as an added bonus, thumbing your nose at President Obama will give the other two (more trustworthy) branches of government time to address the proposal and will not put your state at risk in the interim. It will provide time for the courts to rule on whether the EPA’s proposed rule is legal or even Constitutional, and it will give Congress a chance to address numerous concerns surrounding this latest power grab by the EPA. What the fuck?

I’ll forgive you if you didn’t study that last paragraph too carefully because I plan to summarize it for you here: McCONNELL THREATENED THE GOVERNORS. Don’t you dare comply with the EPA or your state might be breaking the law! I sure would hate to have to bail you out of governor jail, so start ignoring federal regulations just to be on the safe side!

It’s not as if the Obama administration or federal agencies have any real authority, anyway, so maybe you’d better just stick with Mitch McConnell and his friends in the coal industry. He’s just trying to stand up for “the law” as he sees it. No shit.

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And now ... let’s play another round of MARCY’S LATEST VERY LOUSY SIDE EFFECTS due to starting four new prescriptions since the beginning of the year and a number of crappy health issues have been popping up. Thanks to plenty of juicy documented information on Drugs.com I’ve been able to figure out which of my side effect(s) can be attributed to which medication.

METOPROLOL. Coldness/numbness in the fingertips and toes; decreased urine output; excessive air (growling sounds) in the stomach. My stomach is making sounds like it’s reciting the Gettysburg Address.

COUMADIN. Excessive air in stomach. You know, the Gettysburg thing again.

GABAPENTIN. Change in walking gait and balance; clumsiness or unsteadiness; difficulty with breathing; dryness of the mouth and throat; difficulty swallowing; excessive air in stomach reciting the Gettysburg Address; feeling faint or lightheaded.

HYDROCODONE (NORCO). Decrease in the frequency of urination; difficulty swallowing.

The most difficult side effects include the decreased urination, difficulty swallowing, dry mouth, clumsiness/balance problems and numbness in my fingers and toes. Three of my four new meds also mention excessive air (growling sounds) in the stomach. Trust me, IT’S BEEN NOISY AROUND HERE. The other day I was alone in the house and actually thought I heard somebody talking to me from another room! I completely freaked out and had to eat a Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow Easter egg. (I had no choice. It was an emergency.)

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This might be a fine time to go to bed. Shut the light when you’re done here, okay?