I’ve been asleep practically nonstop for the last 13 hours.

Here’s some late-breaking news from our Marcy’s Secret Recipe For A Seriously Boring Sunday department: I’VE BEEN ASLEEP PRACTICALLY NONSTOP FOR THE LAST 13 HOURS not counting two brief trips to the bathroom, two breaks for assorted pills and two handfuls of Lay’s sour cream & onion potato chips. In addition, Sam tells me I successfully slept through a series of fine films that included The French Connection (1972) starring Gene Hackman in an irritating hat, Revenge of the Nerds (1984) starring Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards, Angels in the Outfield (1951) starring Paul Douglas and Janet Leigh and Big City Blues (1932) starring Joan Blondell and Guy Kibbee. Holy crap.

I fell down last night.

Breaking news, dear readers. I FELL LAST NIGHT AND COULDN’T GET UP. Carrying my dinner into the den I tripped on the edge of the area rug, flew across the room and landed like a ton of bricks. I broke my beautiful glass candle runner on the coffee table, spilled a bowl of chili and a full 32-oz. tumbler of Coke Zero — with a billion ice cubes — all over the carpet, and I injured my stomach on something (I think the corner of the coffee table) because I’ve got a huge red streak across my belly and some broken skin. But I was damn fortunate because: 1) Sam was 15 minutes away at work and not in California (he was in L.A. all last week); 2) the cordless phone was at arm’s length on the coffee table and not sitting in its charger in the foyer where I couldn’t reach it; and 3) I didn’t crack my head on the wrought iron bench in front of the fireplace (I missed it by inches), break any bones or shatter the glass top on the coffee table.