Diabetes stinks.

It’s 6 a.m. Saturday morning and I think we should talk about diabetes for a few minutes, okay? The problem is, I’ve been having TWILIGHT ZONE LOW BLOOD SUGAR for the last couple of days ... sort of nonstop unexplained hypoglycemia even after eating carby food that’s supposed to do the exact OPPOSITE. For instance, at lunch time yesterday I injected the correct dose of insulin and ate a plate of really nice teeny tacos from Costco; two hours later my blood sugar tested at 42 — well within the medically-accepted HOLY-SHIT-THERE’S-A-CHANCE-A-PERSON-COULD-DIE-FROM-THIS range — and scared the living crap out of me due to there’s no way I should be on the verge of a diabetic coma after eating a pile of tacos! My blood sugar should be around 130, not 42. Just when I think I’ve finally started to understand the physiology of insulin and carbohydrates, something stupid like THIS comes along and fucks me up. DIABETES STINKS.

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Glorioski, people! As I write this post Sam is in the kitchen heating me up a pair of snazzy Schwan’s BREAKFAST BISCUITS! In case you’re interested, these are VERY BIG, VERY FLUFFY and VERY TASTY, and you nuke them in less than two minutes, which is an excellent feature because at the moment I’m having another hypoglycemic hoo-hah and need to eat something as soon as possible. I personally think Schwan’s breakfast biscuits are better than the biscuit sandwiches at McDonald’s, plus the sausage has a slightly fascinating mapley flavor and, as an added bonus, YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, WEAR A BRASSIERE OR SIT IN A DRIVE-THROUGH LANE!

If you don’t already shop with Schwan’s you should try home delivery — it’s FREE! — and tell them Marcy sent you. They also have a very nice reward points program, and if you’re an AARP member you get DOUBLE REWARD POINTS ON EVERY ORDER for no reason whatsoever except being old!

Thank you, as always, for reading this.