Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Big and little issues, an Einstein Award and another box of no-rinse shampoo caps.

I’ll bet you can’t guess what time it is. Give up? It’s 1:35 in the morning, and I’m wide awake due to a poorly-timed four-hour nap last night. You’re in luck, though, because I’ve decided to murder a couple of hours composing another Howdygram post! Woo-hoo! 

Later this morning I’ll find out when UPS plans to deliver my new rolling computer desk; I received an email from Amazon yesterday confirming that it already shipped. As soon as it gets here (hopefully by Friday) and Sam puts it together, I’ll be able to call Half-Price Geeks and set up a day and time for them to move my iMac workstation from the study to the family room. I’m so excited I can hardly stand it! I think it’s been about three months since I’ve been able to use my iMac, and even then it was only for one isolated day.

Actually ... I haven’t been able to walk to the study since the beginning of the year. The wait has been heartbreaking for me, but it’s almost over. By the end of the week — fingers crossed! — everything will be connected in the family room and I can get back to all my adorable creative projects for The Howdygram Store that I’ve missed so much … greeting cards, funny mugs, iPhone cases, padfolios, spiral notebooks and so on. In anticipation I just ordered the following surge protector, from Amazon, of course!

My attractive new surge protector from Amazon.

America’s Disaster-in-Chief — Donald J. Trump — is the recipient of our latest Howdygram Einstein Award! Trump finally met yesterday at a resort in Singapore with North Korea’s bloody dictator Kim Jong Un, a ridiculous on-again/off-again “reality TV” event that’s been playing out in the news for the last couple of weeks.

At the last minute, of course, Kim announced that he planned to leave Singapore just seven hours after meeting with Trump, which pretty much ensured there would be no substantive negotiations whatsoever and the world would end up with little more than a handshake and a photo op. Of course the photo op was all that Kim wanted anyway, as he has no intention of giving up his nuclear missile program. This means Trump gets nothing tangible out of this summit at all.

Don Jong Un and the Pyongyang Orangutan. Pals forever!

Trump will still call this a “victory” because his political base doesn’t give a crap about facts. All that matters is how everyone perceives it. And add to this Trump’s frightening failure with the G7 on Friday, where he insulted and abused leaders of the world’s most powerful democracies and America’s longstanding allies ... Canada, France, Germany and the United Kingdom, it looks like our only remaining “friends” on the world stage are the murderous two-bit dictator from North Korea and Trump’s pal Vladimir Putin. God help us! 

It’s 3:11 a.m., and I love typing in the middle of the night. I’m lying on the chaise with my MacBook laptop, wearing an oxygen cannula and snacking on Pepperidge Farm goldfish in a coffee mug. When Sam wakes up, probably around 4 a.m., I might ask him to nuke a beef burrito from yesterday’s Taco Bell leftovers because I’M STARVING TO DEATH.

Taco Bell’s Beefy Burrito … very tasty when sprinkled with a hot sauce packet.

Hey. I just watched a video clip of Kanye West on “Celebrity Family Feud,” and I have to admit … he was good and he was hilarious, considering that Kanye’s basically NUTS.

Steve Harvey, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian West play “Celebrity Family Feud.”

When Sam wakes up from his nap I have to make an important call to my health insurance company (Scott & White) to discuss a couple of major issues, as outlined below:

MAJOR ISSUE #1. Sam received a $350 invoice yesterday from the City of Mesquite for my ambulance ride to Baylor Medical Center in Sunnyvale way back on March 18. He called the billing company, and they told him that “Medicare denied the claim.” Since I have no idea what’s going on or why a 911 ambulance ride would be denied by my insurance — especially since I was admitted to the hospital for seven days — I’ll call to find out what happened. Jesus.

MAJOR ISSUE #2. Also, I’m ready to file a claim with MetLife for all the work done this year by Elite Mobile Dental. I have to call Scott & White to get the phone number for MetLife’s claim center, because I signed up for dental coverage through my health insurance carrier in December. Unfortunately, as a side note, Elite’s charges will all be considered “out of network,” which means we won’t receive a huge reimbursement, but anything we get back will be welcome. We paid Elite more than $4,600 between January and May. Please stay tuned for additional information, okay? Thank you. 

I just ordered a swell package of eight Medline no-rinse shampoo caps from Express Medical Supply. This is such an amazing product ... and the only way I can wash my hair now that I’m basically confined to the family room! Each cap is loaded with a no-rinse foamy shampoo and conditioner. You just: 1) stuff your hair underneath; 2) smoosh the cap all over with your hands; 3) yank off the cap; and 4) comb your hair. That’s it! 

The Medline shampoo cap lets you smoosh your hair without water or rinsing.

Important Tip for Nitwits: If you don’t like an ice cold shampoo you can nuke the cap for about 20 seconds to warm it up first.

TWO SPEEDY UPDATES. Well, people, I finally called Scott & White to inquire about my two major issues (see above). That $350 invoice from the City of Mesquite represents our CO-PAY for my ambulance ride back in March. (Nobody actually “denied” the claim.) And next, I was referred to MetLife Dental’s patient portal website to download their dental claim form, except the PDF was confusing as hell because it’s designed for an employee group dental plan claim. I had to call back three times before I got an intelligent explanation for how to fill it out.

I also want to mention that my new rolling computer desk will arrive on Friday! If Sam assembles it over the weekend I’ll arrange for Half-Price Geeks to come on Monday to move my big iMac workstation from the study to the family room. This is yoooge, guys. I CAN’T WAIT!

It’s 5:43 on a hot and sticky Tuesday afternoon and I’m considering a nice, leisurely nap before dinner … even though I technically don’t know when or what I’m going to eat.

Thank you for reading this … and don’t forget to remember the Alamo.

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