Friday, August 15, 2014

Hanukkah came early this year!

Howdygram headquarters has turned into the Twilight Zone due to THREE REALLY SPOOKY THINGS that actually happened today.

REALLY SPOOKY THING #1. I got a Montgomery Ward catalog in the mail today. MONTGOMERY WARD! What is this, 1965? How is this cheesy company still even in business? Creepier yet, if Montgomery Ward is attempting to resurrect itself from the graveyard of dead and forgotten retailers they’d better consider a new marketing team IMMEDIATELY because the front cover of the catalog is an advertisement for PAULA DEEN POTS & PANS. What a profound choice for a comeback! Crappy discounted cookware from a disgraced old Southern racist!
REALLY SPOOKY THING #2. I tried three times today to send an email to my girlfriend Mary and all three times the message came back marked “undeliverable” because her IP address has been blocked by my Internet service provider (AT&T). This sucks so bad I might have to call AT&T. God help me.

REALLY SPOOKY THING #3. This morning I decided shop around on eBay to see if I could scrounge up any bargains on FreeStyle Lite glucose test strips because I test my blood sugar at least four times a day and run through these damn things like hotcakes with low-carb syrup. The average price on eBay lately for a vial of 50 strips has been about $28 but if you’re really persistent and look at all the ads you can sometimes find them for less. TODAY I STRUCK DIABETES GOLD WITH THE LOWEST PRICE I’VE EVER PAID. At the very top of the first page was an ad for 200 test strips for $74.95 ... which breaks down to $18.73 for each vial of 50. Glorioski, people! THE WORLD’S CHEAPEST TEST STRIPS! And FREE SHIPPING! I ordered so fast my keyboard almost caught fire and just received confirmation that they already shipped. It’s almost like Hanukkah came early this year!
Dinner time! Tonight I’d like to try the canned meat for senior citizens that arrived a couple of days ago from Pleasant Hill Grain. I’m thinking I’ll nuke the pork chunks with a little sugar-free barbecue sauce and dump it on top of low-carb white toast. And in case you’re wondering, yes, I’ll eat practically ANYTHING as long as it’s fast. It doesn’t even have to taste that good.

Thank you for reading this.

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