Sunday, June 22, 2014

May 2014 was “Older Americans Month” and I didn’t get one stinking present.

Hi, everybody! Happy, happy Sunday! There are many wonderful things to squeal about this morning and I’ll list them for you here in ALL CAPS so you’ll know how excited I am: 1) SAM IS COMING HOME TODAY and his flight leaves L.A. at 9 a.m. Pacific time; 2) IT’S RAINING AGAIN (genuine graphic proof from appears below); and 3) I think that’s it. But Sam coming home and rain are definitely more than enough. In case you’re wondering, the red star on the following map denotes Howdygram headquarters. LOOK AT ALL THAT RAIN!

I just read some news on that President Obama had declared May 2014 to be “Older Americans Month.” Holy crap, people. Finally, somebody invents a holiday for me and I didn’t get one stinking present! I can’t tell from the article if May is supposed to be Older Americans Month from now on, but if it is I’ll post an update in the Howdygram as soon as I find out so you’ll have plenty of time to ship an appropriate present next year. Sample appropriate presents for the older Americans in your life might include the products pictured below. For those of you on a budget a colorful plastic pill sorter is always a thoughtful gift, too, because a person can never have too many pill sorters. (Trust me on this.)

It’s 9:33 a.m., and here’s what’s on my schedule for the next few hours:
  • WAIT FOR SAM TO CALL FROM THE AIRPORT. I’m hanging out at my desk in the study because Sam is on his way to LAX right this minute (his sister Tammy is driving him) and I figure he should be there in about 30 minutes or so.
  • SHOOT INSULIN AND EAT THINGS. At the top of my list are a couple of Schwan’s chicken patties (pictured below) with low-carb pasta sauce on top and melty mozzarella cheese. I consider this my own shitty senior citizen version of Chicken Parmesan.
  • ENTERTAIN MYSELF. Our DVR is packed with terrific movies today! Before Sam gets home this afternoon I plan to watch Beneath the 12-Mile Reef (1953) starring Robert Wagner as a Greek sponge-diver with curly hair and Vice Versa (1948), a British comedy starring Roger Livesey and Petula Clark.
  • ADDITIONAL SLEEP. I didn’t get nearly enough last night (I never do, usually) so I’ve planned a nice juicy nap immediately following the aforementioned shitty Chicken Parmesan.

It’s finally happened. I’m officially The Person Who Can’t Stop Talking About Her Broken Email and I’ve got another psychotic status update in case you’re not sick of hearing about this yet. My webmail is COMPLETELY KAPUT as of this morning, and everything sent or received through my old email address gets an immediate error message bounceback exactly like this one:
I’m calling first thing tomorrow to discontinue our non-functioning email service and demand a $62.97 refund for the dough we just paid them. I HATE THOSE PEOPLE! By the way, if you’re receiving the same error bounceback crap and need our new email addresses please use the Howdygram contact form to let me know and I’ll send them to you. You’re welcome.

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