There sure is a lot of hate in the news these days, isn’t there?

I woke up at 7:30 this morning to a deafening thunderstorm with rain so torrential it actually sounded like somebody was aiming a fire hose at the windows. Another three inches of rain was in the forecast and we definitely got it ... PROBABLY IN ONE HOUR! The blue star on the following map denotes Howdygram headquarters.

Everything I did on Friday, May 29.

This might be the most ridiculous post in Howdygram history. Be sure to share your thoughts with me, okay? (Send an email.)

I really want to take a nap after I pee and eat lunch.

It’s 9:15 Friday morning and Sam has a 10 a.m. flight to Phoenix. Unfortunately he’s inching along in gridlock Dallas traffic trying to get to Love Field Airport, because we had another five inches of rain overnight and most of our main thorofares have turned into FUCKING RIVERS.

People who make me puke.

It’s 11:30 p.m. and I’m stationed at my desk in the study waiting for another huge line of storms to roll across the Dallas metro area. We don’t need more rain but we’re getting it anyway, plus thunder, lightning, hailstones, wind and flying monkeys. Shit. Enough already! The red star on the following map denotes Howdygram headquarters.

I don’t go anywhere, I don’t do anything, I don’t give a shit.

It occurs to me that I don’t have very much going on in my life. Even though I manage to fill this blog with daily rants and diatribes about politics, putzes, knee pain, what I bought from Amazon and guess what I’m eating for dinner, I’m still just a housebound senior citizen with crap knees who practically can’t walk. I don’t go anywhere, I don’t do anything, I don’t give a shit and I haven’t worn a brassiere since I got my first set of dentures in 2010. (Seriously.)

We’ve got the smoking gun that qualifies Mike Huckabee for our latest Putz of the Week award.

Good evening, boys and girls! It’s been a wet, overcast Sunday here in North Texas. I’m at my desk in the study nursing a nice tall Marcytini while we enjoy a short break in the weather after several additional inches of rain this morning. More weather is on the way starting Monday around 2 p.m. and lasting until late into the night. The forecast calls for another two or three inches of rain — holy shit — with severe thunderstorms every now and then just for the hell of it.

If you hear a tornado siren, run like hell.

Wondering what your editor eats for breakfast on an overcast Saturday morning? SCHWAN’S CORN DOGS! Yes, friends, Schwan’s corn dogs are a healthy way to start your day in addition to being neat, fun, inexpensive, tasty, quick and rustproof. (Ketchup and celery not included.)

All I want to do is belch. Also, the Duggars are off the air!

I am NOT having a pleasant Friday evening in any way whatsoever, and it all hinges on SEVERE CHEST PAIN. No, I’m not having a heart attack even though it feels like one ... I JUST NEED TO BELCH. This happens to me every now and then, and the pain is atrocious and upsetting. I’m doubled over at my desk, I’ve got a pounding headache, I can’t catch my breath AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS BELCH. Holy crap. Somebody come over right away and thump my back for a few minutes, okay?!

Tangents, tweaks and another Putz of the Week.

I’m between naps and thought I’d stop by for a little while and write a speedy Howdygram post. Or not speedy, depending on how many interesting tangents appeal to me this afternoon. So far I have two.

The big day is June 1, everybody. That’s the day Kitchen Solvers will be here to start refacing our cabinets!

Happy Wednesday night from Howdygram headquarters, y’all. I just found out that we’re expecting another run of heavy rain — yep, more rain! — starting overnight tonight and stretching through the three-day Memorial Day weekend as indicated by the Weather.com forecast posted below.

Puncturing my fingers is huge fun and I look forward to every opportunity.

I can’t believe I never wrote a Howdygram post yesterday. I wanted to. I tried. I even made a list of possible topics. Ultimately I wound up giving very few fucks, took an extra nap and watched The Runaway Bus (1954) starring Margaret Rutherford, Frankie Howerd and Petula Clark. A brief movie review appears below for your possible interest.

Jeb Bush believes that a tolerant country should make room for people of faith to discriminate. WTF?

It’s 9:45 Monday night and I haven’t had dinner yet. While this is probably no big deal to YOU in any way whatsoever, for me it’s a life-changing milestone that helps me adjust my eating pattern to lose some weight and spend less time hanging out near the kitchen. Mainly I wait for Sam to get home from work at 11:15 and let him nuke something fabulous for me on a paper plate. It’s like having my own personal chef!

North Texas’ four-year drought is officially kaput.

It’s a moist and cloudy Sunday here at Howdygram headquarters. Our overnight storms and torrential rain finally stopped around sun-up; now we’re left with flooded roadways, drippy patio furniture, overcast skies and heavily-watered lawns. I can deal with it. North Texas’ four-year drought is officially kaput, and our lakes, creeks and reservoirs are bursting at the seams. Yee-haw, everybody! WE LOVE RAIN! And while we’re not expecting any additional large weather for the rest of today, there’s plenty forecast for the week ahead as indicated on the following Weather.com screen shot. Holy crap, right?

Scott DesJarlais is a “pro-life family-values” Congressman who forced his ex-wife and mistress to have abortions.

Yo, guys. Before I start blabbering about my usual routine crapola I want to offer up our latest Putz of the Week: Representative Scott “ Uncle Fester” DesJarlais of Tennessee, a pro-life family-values Congressman Republican shitbag who pressured his ex-wife and mistress to have abortions but votes to restrict them for everybody else. THIS MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.

Romney is preparing to get creamed by another black man.

Another day, another steaming pile of HOT NEWS for the Howdygram. Oh boy, right? Today’s themes include political announcements, Marcy goes shopping and decorating dilemmas. So grab yourself a Marcytini, rip open a bag of Cheetos and get comfortable!