Meet Kevin Calvey, an unhinged Republican state representative from Oklahoma.

Shalom, hi-de-ho and good afternoon to you and yours! I’m recovering from a juicy four-hour nap — FOUR HOURS! SERIOUSLY! — on the chaise in the family room and figured the best way to snap back to reality is to write a nice Howdygram post. So here I am with limber fingers, a tall Marcytini and plenty of words. I hope you’re having a very swell Tuesday.

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I’d like to begin with a quick Putz of the Week award, okay? Meet Kevin Calvey, an unhinged Republican state representative from Oklahoma who, during a recent debate about Senate Bill 548, threatened to leave the capitol building, walk across the street to the state Supreme Court, douse himself with gasoline and light himself on fire in a suicide protest against a six-percent raise for court employees. Why? Because Calvey is angry at them for striking down proposed legislation that would’ve made abortion impossible in the state of Oklahoma.

“Members, this kind of injustice simply can’t stand,” Calvey told his colleagues. “If I were not a Christian and didn’t have a prohibition against suicide, I’d walk across the street, douse myself in gasoline, and SET MYSELF ON FIRE to protest the evil that is going on over there, killing, giving the death penalty to the will of the people and the will of this body in protecting the least among us.” In case you think I’m kidding, check out this video: CLICK HERE. And if you’d like to give Kevin a hand with his demonstration of faith and godliness, LET’S ALL SEND HIM A BOOK OF MATCHES IMMEDIATELY!

Calvey apparently has a colorful history as an asshole in Oklahoma politics. In 2010 he and several fundamentalist Christian pastors launched a lawsuit against Obamacare because Jesus hated health insurance. And a couple of months ago he introduced House Bill 2206 that would make it illegal to arrest any state official — i.e., like himself — accused of a public offense, such as the two felony indictments for abuse of power currently dogging Rick Perry, the former governor of Texas. Calvey’s legislation, however, does not specify what the fuck is a “public offense.”

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And now let’s discuss what a terrific month is coming up in May on Turner Classic Movies. May features 21 films starring Sterling Hayden on Wednesday nights; a disaster movie marathon on May 7, 14 and 21; a May 11 Margaret Rutherford birthday tribute; a May 15 tribute to James Mason; and a salute to mothers on May 10. Here are the Howdygram’s personal recommendations for your possible interest.

STERLING HAYDEN FILMS / WEDNESDAYS

The Asphalt Jungle (1950) with Louis Calhern and Marilyn Monroe
Suddenly (1954) with Frank Sinatra
Zero Hour! (1957) with Dana Andrews
Johnny Guitar (1954) with Joan Crawford
Kansas Pacific (1953) with Barton MacLane
The Star (1952) with Bette Davis
So Big (1953) with Jame Wyman
Dr. Strangelove (1964) with Peter Sellers

MARGARET RUTHERFORD BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE / MAY 11

Murder, She Said (1961) with Arthur Kennedy
Murder at the Gallop (1963) with Robert Morley and Flora Robson
Murder Most Foul (1964) with Ron Moody
Murder Ahoy (1964) with Lionel Jeffries
The Alphabet Murders (1965) with Tony Randall
The Runaway Bus (1954) with Petula Clark
The V.I.P.s (1963) with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton
The Mouse on the Moon (1963) with Terry-Thomas

JAMES MASON BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE / MAY 15

The Prisoner of Zenda (1952) with Stewart Granger and Deborah Kerr
A Star Is Born (1954) with Judy Garland
North by Northwest (1959) with Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint
Lolita (1962) with Shelley Winters, Sue Lyon and Peter Sellers

DISASTER MOVIES / MAY 7, 14 AND 21

Airport (1970) with Burt Lancaster and Dean Martin
The Hindenburg (1975) starring George C. Scott, a bunch of Nazis and an exploding blimp
In Old Chicago (1938) starring Tyrone Power and Alice Faye
Earthquake (1974) starring Charlton Heston and Ava Gardner
San Francisco (1936) starring Clark Gable, Spencer Tracy and Jeanette MacDonald
The Last Days of Pompeii (1935) starring Preston Foster and Alan Hale
The Poseidon Adventure (1972) starring Gene Hackson and Shelley Winters
A Night to Remember (1958) starring Kenneth More

A SALUTE TO MOTHERS / MAY 10

Bachelor Mother (1939) starring Ginger Rogers and David Niven
Imitation of Life (1959) starring Lana Turner and Sandra Dee
Pocketful of Miracles (1961) starring Bette Davis and Glenn Ford
Gypsy (1962) starring Rosalind Russell and Natalie Wood
Roughly Speaking (1945) starring Rosalind Russell and Jack Carson
Mildred Pierce (1945) starring Joan Crawford, Jack Carson and Ann Blyth

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And now I think I’d enjoy a nice hot shower and a large quantity of food, since it’s already 9 p.m., I haven’t eaten since 11 this morning and I’ve got a headache. Thank you for putting up with me.