Senior citizens can be excellent multi-taskers when necessary.

I want to apologize to Sam in giant type for scaring the living crap out him this afternoon.

I’m sorry, Sam.

In case you need the back story on this, at 2 p.m. I woke up from a nap in the middle of a HUGE TERRIFYING CRISIS that involved very low blood sugar, a bladder on the verge of a nuclear meltdown and the realization that I probably didn’t have the energy to make it to the bathroom. So I did exactly what any other rational old woman would do in the middle of a personal emergency: SCREAM MY FUCKING HEAD OFF. Sam had been asleep on the sofa and sat up so fast I think he hit his head on the ceiling. The following events transpired in the immediate aftermath:

• I knock over my walker, cry like a baby and chant “Oh my God I have to pee!” all at the same time, thereby proving once again that senior citizens can be excellent multi-taskers when necessary.
• Sam turns off the TV. We had been sleeping through White Cargo (1942) starring Hedy Lamarr as Tondelayo and Walter Pidgeon as Harry Witzel.
• I get up and drag myself to the bathroom.
• I sit on the toilet eating Wal-Mart glucose tablets.
• Sam makes me a very fast bowl of Easy Cheesy Rice for Senior Citizens with Shitty Knees in a Pot plus a Marcytini because I’m starving to death and also thirsty.

By the time Sam left for work at 2:15 I was comfortably situated on the sofa with napkins and my lucky fork (don’t ask) eating the aforementioned Easy Cheesy Rice and watching “People’s Court.” Then I took a shower.

What’s new at your house today?

---

It appears as though we’re finally expecting some REAL WEATHER tonight as evidenced by the following map from Weather.com. The teeny red star denotes Howdygram headquarters.

Apparently there’s a severe thunderstorm watch in effect here until 10 p.m. with the possibility of hail the size of basketballs, so I might have to hide in the closet for a while. (I wonder if King China would deliver during a hailstorm.)