Scammy crooks from AT&T tried to ruin our pleasant Friday night.

Hi-de-ho and happy Friday from your friends at Howdygram headquarters. I’ve had a bizarre day that (so far) has involved only three activities: 1) sleeping; 2) adding nine relatives, one hairdresser, one doctor, two Chinese restaurants and a maid to the contact list on my beautiful new iPhone 5S; and 3) taking a shower. At the moment I’m waiting for Sam to call so I can order us a couple of juicy chicken burritos from Chipotle. He’ll pick them up on his way home from work, bless his heart. I’M STARVING.

Bobby Jindal consistently ranks at the bottom in every poll of Republicans in the 2016 clown car.

I don’t know what I was thinking last night when I ordered that gigantic timepiece from Kirkland’s [see yesterday’s post]. No kidding, people ... WHO THE HELL HANGS A THREE-FOOT-WIDE CLOCK OVER THE PANTRY DOOR? Plus I eventually found out that the LED clock light on the microwave wasn’t burned out after all; Sam just reset the clock function when he got home from work and my life is completely swell again. So ... this morning I did live chat with a Kirkland’s customer service doofus when they opened at 7 a.m. and canceled the order. To cheer myself up immediately thereafter I ordered a cute set of metal nesting baskets from Wal-Mart. You get three different sizes: 7½", 9½" and 10¾". A PERSON CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY CHEAP WIRE BASKETS WITH FABRIC LINERS!

Welcome to another busy day in the Twilight Zone.

Yesterday I survived two medical appointments in two different locations on the same day. While you ponder what kind of present you should send me for an occasion of this magnitude I’ll provide a brief update on the status of my health. Because if you didn’t give a crap you wouldn’t be reading this post. Right?

Diabetes stinks.

It’s 6 a.m. Saturday morning and I think we should talk about diabetes for a few minutes, okay? The problem is, I’ve been having TWILIGHT ZONE LOW BLOOD SUGAR for the last couple of days ... sort of nonstop unexplained hypoglycemia even after eating carby food that’s supposed to do the exact OPPOSITE. For instance, at lunch time yesterday I injected the correct dose of insulin and ate a plate of really nice teeny tacos from Costco; two hours later my blood sugar tested at 42 — well within the medically-accepted HOLY-SHIT-THERE’S-A-CHANCE-A-PERSON-COULD-DIE-FROM-THIS range — and scared the living crap out of me due to there’s no way I should be on the verge of a diabetic coma after eating a pile of tacos! My blood sugar should be around 130, not 42. Just when I think I’ve finally started to understand the physiology of insulin and carbohydrates, something stupid like THIS comes along and fucks me up. DIABETES STINKS.

My jar of red pepper flakes disappeared.

Hi, people. It’s 3:30 in the morning and I have no idea why I’m sitting at my desk. I went to bed at midnight EXHAUSTED and woke up for no reason whatsoever three hours later. Or it could have been the huge thunderstorms that rolled through here all night with buckets of torrential rain. (Definitely NOT typical January weather for north Texas.) For your possible interest I’ll post a current snapshot from Weather.com; the red star denotes Howdygram headquarters. (Don’t bother zooming in; I don’t feel much like waving right now.)

Grab your calendar! It’s Dwarf Awareness Month and only 31 days until my birthday.

Holy crap! IT’S ALREADY THE FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER! In case you don’t quite grasp the significance, the month of October features all of the momentous milestones listed below.

Enter the Howdygram’s official Rick Perry Mugshot Contest.

And now, for your Friday afternoon political entertainment, please welcome the Howdygram’s OFFICIAL RICK PERRY MUGSHOT CONTEST in honor of Governor Hairdo’s indictment earlier this week on two felony charges for abuse of power. Just pick your favorite “meme” and click the link below to vote via email. Everybody who enters will win a VALUABLE PRIZE if you’ll remember to include a mailing address when you vote. Thank you.