Tuesday, July 17, 2018

I almost bled to death today.

MONDAY, 7/16/2018, 5:57 P.M. I’ve had quite a day, boys and girls, and I guess I’ll begin with a simple statement: I ALMOST BLED TO DEATH TODAY. Early this afternoon I was sitting at my computer workstation in the family room, and when I glanced down towards the floor I noticed that the entire left side of my nightie was completely saturated with blood. The darkest, reddest blood I’ve ever seen. Some of it was dried, most was not. And I was still bleeding! I shrieked for Sam, who — poor baby! — had been sound asleep on the sofa. Thank God he’s not squeamish (like me), because he had to do a brief investigation to discover the source of the geyser (my belly), and then brought a plastic pail, warm water and a pile of washcloths to clean me up. Even my left arm and hand were soaked in blood, and fresh blood was dripping onto the carpet, too. Shit.

Eventually we were able to figure out that my hemoglobin explosion had been caused by an ordinary scratch on my belly … the fact that I take a blood thinner is what practically killed me. I’d be willing to guess that my INR (my blood clotting speed) is probably way out of whack right now … because this is NOT supposed to happen. I’ll do a fingerstick blood test tomorrow to find out what the hell’s going on. My doctor (the hospice administrator) might have to adjust my dose of Coumadin.

Please stay tuned for additional updates but feel free to resume your normal daily activities in the meantime. Thank you.

Take a look …  tonight I’ve got a truly handsome collection of completely FREE FONTS to share with you! For starters, please check out the Handwritten Font Pack — my favorites are “Foo-Foo Filled” and “Shmoopy” — and I’m also having a nervous breakdown for “Halley Family” and “Seasoned Hostess.” And if that’s not enough, “Morl Family” is a beautiful sans serif font that includes SIXTY FUCKING STYLES. Sixty styles! It’s unheard of! It’s thrilling! It’s SIXTY!

You’ll find download links below the graphic in case you want any or all of these fonts for your personal collection. In addition, this might also be a fine time to think about giving fonts for Hanukkah. Shalom!

I’d also like to show off some new clipart and background patterns, all of them very nice giveaways today from Creative Market. I love all these precious woodland animals! I can’t wait to use them to create designs for The Howdygram Store … children’s birthday cards, throw pillows, pencil cases, spiral notebook covers, playing cards, night lights, paper party supplies and so on. Tomorrow’s the big day and I’m hoping to spend at least five hours working on new designs. Woo-hoo! I’ll post some images for you as soon as I upload my artwork to Zazzle.

Two sweet collections of woodland animals. About 24 images total.
About five dozen seamless floral patterns in PNG and Adobe Illustrator formats.

I’M STARVING TO DEATH HERE. What a day. First I almost bleed to death, NOW I’M DYING OF HUNGER! When I moved from the bench to the chaise lounge a few hours ago I asked Sam for a mug of pickled beets with sour cream on top. It was nice, but it definitely wasn’t enough food. It’s a few minutes past midnight as I write this post, and I imagine Sam will probably “wake up and go to bed” within the next half-hour, like he usually does. Therefore … after he wakes up (but before he goes to bed) I desperately want a couple of nuked corn dogs. OH MY GOD … CORN DOGS! For the record, I try to keep a mental note of speedy and uncomplicated late-night snacks that won’t torture Sam when he’s trying to go to bed, such as opening a can of pickled beets or heating a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli. He already has enough to do for me at 12:45 in the morning, such as: 1) making sure I’ve taken my bedtime meds; 2) did I remember to inject my overnight insulin; 3) turning on the oxygen generator; and 4) helping me adjust my cannula so the piece that hooks around my right ear won’t put too much pressure on an open sore. (Shit.)

THERES NOTHING GOING ON THIS WEEK. Seriously. I looked at my calendar, and it’s bleak. I’ve got my hospice C.N.A. coming on Wednesday and Friday at 10 a.m. to do a 20-minute bath … and that’s it!! Therefore this would be excellent opportunity to drop your kids off with a babysitter and come over to watch a few Andy Hardy movies with me. I’ve got the entire series of 15 movies stored on my DVR.

NOPE. Fuck no. Absolutely not. Forget it!

TUESDAY, 7/17/2018, 10:53 A.M. I’I did again. I fell asleep typing, Sam took my laptop and plugged it in when he woke up this morning, and now it’s almost 11 a.m. on Tuesday. Which means it’s time to end this post and start another one. So adios, farewell, shalom … and remember the Alamo!

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