I’ve been having some severe side effects from my glorious liquid Morphine.

Good morning, good morning, good morning. I’ve made considerable progress since last night, drug-wise. For instance, I understand how come Wal-Mart is charging $565 for my Lantus insulin refill … and Sam and I are actually okay with it. After talking to a very nice rep from my health insurance provider I found out that I reached Medicare’s annual “donut hole” level ($3,700) for prescription coverage earlier this month, which means I have to pay full price for my drugs until I reach $5,000, at which time my co-pay drops to only $8.50 … and trust me, that’s practically free. So we’ll stick with the plan as-is and suffer with $565 for a three-month Lantus insulin refill. (Shit.)

Are you taking notes? There’s a pop quiz on Monday.

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So here’s what’s going on at Howdygram headquarters today. I’ll be getting A NEW OXYGEN GENERATOR to replace the unit that started “raining” last night. Noboby should ever have to put up with water dripping from their cannula. It’s disgusting. Therefore Sam texted my hospice R.N., who immediately called the company they hire for oxygen generators and told them to send us a new unit as immediately as possible. It’s already on the way to fill up my nose with lovely, healthy air. In the meantime, whenever Sam wakes up from his morning nap I’LL BE READY TO SPEND SOME TIME AT MY COMPUTER WORKSTATION, which is a major event that requires Sam’s expertise moving the catheter bag so I don’t wind up stepping on the goddamn cord. (Holy crap.) Today I’ve got emails to answer and a few new products I can show off for THE HOWDYGRAM STORE … primarily two cards and one mug. You can check them out here:

The newest products in The Howdygram Store.

We’re also expecting A COUPLE OF WAL-MART DELIVERIES … Stove Top Chicken Stuffing, jars of Green Giant teeny whole mushrooms, canned gravy (I’m a connoisseur) and Vanity Fair napkins. Over the weekend we’ll receive Wal-Mart deliveries that include a dozen pairs of men’s white quarter socks (for Sam), Del Monte Crinkle-Cut Pickled Beets and Hormel Compleats Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes. Oh boy!

And now for a meteorology report! The Dallas area has been experiencing a BLISTERING HEAT WAVE all week. We’ve had temperatures in the triple digits — mostly around 109° — and we’re expecting more of the same all weekend, too. Frankly, I’m glad to be a housebound coot in weather like this. I always hated parking the car outside and not being able to touch the door handles or steering wheel.

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Okay … let’s be honest here. I’M NOT FEELING VERY WELL. Today my complaints include: 1) shortness of breath; 2) pain from the pressure sores on the back of my thighs; and 3) I’m still trying to bounce back from my 24-hour nap earlier this week; and 4) that’s more than enough.

As it turns out, I’ve been having some interesting and varied side effects from my glorious liquid Morphine. According to WebMD ... nausea, lightheadedness, dizziness, drowsiness, mental and/or mood changes (confusion, hallucinations), and signs that my adrenal gland may not be working very well (loss of appetite and unusual tiredness). But there’s one aspect that I completely overlooked. WebMD also says you should get immediate help if you experience slow or shallow breathing, severe drowsiness or difficulty waking up. Holy shit. I’ve had all of these this week, particularly that “24-hour nap” I mentioned earlier, but how the fuck am I supposed to get professional help if I’m asleep? Sam kept trying to wake me up with no luck whatsoever … I'd fall back asleep with a fork in my mouth, with my hands on my laptop keyboard, speaking mid-sentence … and apparently that was the scariest side effect of them all. I should have had immediate help. As a matter of fact, it still hasn’t been easy staying awake this afternoon and I haven’t had an easy time composing this Howdygram post, either. Meh.

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I guess I should finish up this post now and get myself back to the chaise lounge, because it’s already 8:45 p.m. and I’m feeling awfully droopy. Therefore … good luck, thank you for reading this, and please try your damndest to remember the Alamo, okay?