By the way, all of the above is absolutely true … and, yes, if you’re interested, I’m still trying to bounce back from that insane 24 hours when I was comatose and unable to type, eat, drink, speak or write a blog post!
Obviously there’s not much to write about when a person’s been dead to the world for a day and a half, so I’ll begin by telling you that Sam and I are watching Ship Ahoy (1942) starring Red Skelton and Eleanor Powell, a fluffy little movie combining slapstick and tap-dancing with a very screwy plot about Japanese spies. (I’m serious.) Eleanor is on a luxury cuise ship with Tommy Dorsey’s band headed for San Juan, and she gets conned into smuggling a top-secret mine (you know, for submarines) in her overnight case for a Japanese courier in Puerto Rico. She’s a dupe and doesn’t know that her target is actually a Japanese spy, but when she finally learns the truth she tap-dances a message in Morse code on stage (with background music by Tommy Dorsey) to American agents asking for their help. How fucking convenient that the tap-dancer knows Morse code!
And speaking of prescriptions … tomorrow morning I have to make a couple of irritating phone calls that might require a dose or two of liquid Morphine first. First, I got the usual robo-call from my Wal-Mart pharmacy this afternoon to let me know that my Lantus insulin prescription was ready for pick up, and this time I listened all the way to the end (I don’t usually) to wait for the total price of my co-pay … $565. That’s not a typo! FIVE HUNDRED SIXTY-FIVE BUCKS! Therefore I have to call my health insurance company to find out what’s going on with those fucking morons. I also want to talk to a specialist in their pharmacy department to find out is there something else I can take besides Lantus as an overnight insulin. (Side note: My Baylor HouseCalls nurse practitioner actually wanted me to drop Lantus altogether because she didn’t think I needed it.)
And after I talk to my insurance company I’ll call my hospice administrator to ask for their advice. There has to be a better, cheaper version of Lantus, because it’s FUCKING INSANE to pay $564 every three months for a common drug (insulin) that’s been in use since the turn of the last century! Or maybe I should just stop taking it, like my Baylor HouseCalls nurse practitioner suggested. I need some help figuring out what to do, because I’m in a weird situation right now. My medical care has been covered by a hospice/palliative care organization since the end of May, and that’s the same time I was dropped by Baylor HouseCalls due to both of them bill Medicare ... and Medicare won’t pay for duplicate services. Which means I don’t actually have a primary care physician any more! The hospice administrator might be able to help me figure out this insulin hoo-hah, but again, she might not … a hospice is focused on patient comfort and relieving pain, and insulin really doesn’t fall into that category. I know one thing for sure, though … nobody’s EVER going to make us pay $564 again!
It’s midnight, Sam is in bed, and I’m on the chaise lounge wishing for my goddamn cuticle scissors, which is not anywhere nearby, so I can take care of a hang-nail without ripping it off my thumb and triggering another Mount Vesuvius of blood. This is just one of many concerns when you’re taking a blood thinner medication (Coumadin). However I’m thankful that I can’t stand in the kitchen and cook any more … I used to cut myself a LOT in the kitchen, and I even had a first-aid drawer with a box of Band-Aids.
I’m exhausted, and my vision’s starting to deteriorate. I’m even seeing double, and that’s annoying enough to warrant shutting down my MacBook for the night … and I even have 57% of my power left! Therefore I’ll say good night, shalom and adios. Thank you for reading this, and if you save empty soda cans you might consider throwing one or two at the Alamo.
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