Friday, October 23, 2015

Yesterday’s Benghazi comedy was an 11-hour commercial showcasing Hillary Clinton’s presidential qualifications.

Hi, kids. What’s shakin’ at YOUR house today? I’m rehydrating a bag of Mountain House freeze-dried Scrambled Eggs with Ham & Peppers — the perfect protein-rich breakfast for senior citizens with mobility issues! — while Sam and I enjoy Friday morning thunderstorms with lots of really swell and welcome rainfall.
Hey, before I forget ... I ordered a couple of new Mountain House freeze-dried entrees from Wal-Mart last night because they sounded tasty and I don’t want to end up in a rut with their Beef Stroganoff and Chicken & Noodles. This time I’m trying Italian Style Pepper Steak with Rice and Tomatoes and the Chicken Fried Rice. I’ve been eating Mountain House entrees for dinner every night because Sam is working the later tier of second shift — 3 to 11 p.m. — until the end of December and there’s nobody here to cook anything for me. Plus I’m too goddamn handicapped now to stand up in the kitchen and do it myself. All together now: OY!

There are lots of fine movies coming up on TCM during the next week and I thought I’d list my favorites in case you feel like recording a few of them. Check your local listings for times and then let me know which day(s) you’d like to come over and watch with me. I’ve got plenty of Pop Secret; you can bring a six-pack of Coke Zero.

     Shadow of the Thin Man (1941) starring William Powell and Myrna Loy
     The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947) starring Danny Kaye
     Please Don’t Eat the Daisies (1960) starring Doris Day and David Niven

     Eye of the Devil (1966) starring David Niven and Deborah Kerr
     The Third Man (1949) starring Joseph Cotten and Orson Welles

     Grand Hotel (1932) starring Lionel Barrymore and Greta Garbo
     The Great Race (1965) starring Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon and Natalie Wood
     It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963) starring Practically Everybody

     The Devil-Doll (1936) starring Lionel Barrymore (in drag!)
     Suspicion (1941) starring Cary Grant and Joan Fontaine
     Stage Fright (1950) starring Marlene Dietrich and Michael Wilding

And now I’ve got a very important announcement from a group of science Einsteins at the University of Michigan: CHEESE ADDICTION IS A REAL THING.
The study, which was published in the U.S. National Library of Medicine, examines why certain foods are more addictive than others. Pizza — no shock — came out on top of the most addictive food list because there’s a real scientific reason we all love pizza: IT’S THE MELTED CHEESE.

Cheese is especially addictive due to an ingredient called casein, a protein that’s found in all milk products. During digestion casein releases opiates called casomorphins, which fuck with dopamine receptors and trigger your addiction.

But before you get all hysterical and start buying stock in Pizza Hut with your dumbell friends, keep in mind that the study only talks about cheese being “addictive” ... IT DOESN’T GET YOU HIGH. (Sheesh. Calm down.)

It’s 5 p.m. and I just took a gorgeous, luxurious hot shower ... but instead of feeling absolutely wonderful all of a sudden I’m nauseated, lightheaded, zoned-out and clammy! I figure the best place to recover from this stupefying bullshit would be on the chaise in the family room with a William Powell movie.

But first, speaking of stupefying bullshit ... here’s a revealing photo taken yesterday after the Benghazi hearings in Congress. Hillary is all smiles; committee chair Trey Gowdy (R-SC) is a sweaty, miserable mess who fucked the GOP by displaying pathetic partisan politics at its worst.
Even the most conservative commentators had nothing but brilliant reviews for Clinton’s performance under pressure. According to John Podhortez of the New York Post, “Simply as a matter of political theater, over the course of many hours of testimony, Clinton performed brilliantly,” he wrote. “She assumed a calm, deliberate demeanor with her opening statement and never surrendered it.”

On MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” host and former GOP congressman Joe Scarborough called it a “technical knockout” for Clinton, with Mike Barnicle adding, “If this committee had handled the Watergate hearing, Richard Nixon would have finished his term.”

Most satisfying (for Democrats) were the comments from ultra-conservative pundit Erick Erickson, who called the whole exercise “a waste of time,” adding that Clinton is “too bright” for them. Then he insulted Benghazi committee members Susan Brooks (R-IN), Jim Jordan (R-OH), Mike Pompeo (R-KS), Martha Roby (R-AL), and Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA) by calling them “a carnival road show of back bench congresscritters playing to the cameras.”

Yesterday’s Benghazi comedy was an 11-hour commercial showcasing Hillary Clinton’s presidential qualifications. For free. Let’s send a thankyou note to the GOP.

Adios and shalom. It’s nap-time!

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