Do not buy your dining room set from a website. You can thank me later.

Hello, and I’ve got EXTREMELY SHOCKING NEWS on this balmy Sunday night at Howdygram headquarters: I HAVE ZERO PAIN WHATSOEVER. I would NOT joke about this! After starting so many posts with annoying chronic pain updates I’m pleased to announce NO PAIN tonight. I’m not sure how long this will last, mind you, but it’s sure nice to know I can get ahead of it now and then. For your possible interest here’s my latest Shit-O-Meter readout.

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Here’s our inspirational thought-of-the-day, courtesy of Occupy Democrats. And boy, I couldn’t agree with this more!

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So here’s what’s happening this week at Howdygram headquarters. On Tuesday we’ve got a repairman coming over to tune up our GE Profile gas dryer and suck all the stray lint out of the vents, and on Thursday I’ve got a 9:45 appointment with my kidney specialist at Baylor Regional Medical Center in Garland because my last round of lab work with Dr. M (in September) showed a decline in my kidney function, and that’s a shitty thing for senior citizens with diabetes. Please stay tuned for additional information as it becomes available. Thank you.

For your possible interest the following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Dr. Hsu’s office at Baylor Regional Medical Center in Garland; C) the Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market where Sam buys excellent potato salad; and D) King China, my favorite Chinese restaurant for home delivery. I wish you could try their shrimp dumplings.

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It makes sense to buy certain products online, such ramen by the case, pantyhose, breath mints and wrinkle-free sheets. It does NOT make sense to invest $899 with Ballard Designs for a bizarre “trestle” dining room table with a zinc metal top, pictured below, because you have no idea how cheesy this thing looks until you actually see it in person and you’ll have no time to return it between now and Thanksgiving. I’m also not a huge fan of these other décor options — four dorky woodland plates, a seriously overpriced canvas dry cleaning bag, that boring bench and the indoor/outdoor rug — because I think you can do so much better on other websites for shit like this. I recommend Overstock.com for really amazing benches, also Kirklands, Lamps Plus and Hayneedle for rugs, wall art, dishes, doodads and whatnots. (Make your own dry cleaning tote with a goddamn plastic trash bag.) DO NOT BUY YOUR DINING ROOM SET FROM A WEBSITE. You can thank me later.

Nice of you to drop by tonight. Give my regards to the family, okay?