It’s time to stop the fairytales and tell the goddamn truth about Columbus Day.

I love the “blank canvas” of a composition page when it’s time to work on a brand new Howdygram post. At this point I can go ANYWHERE, and I usually surprise myself, although today I’m suffering from a new kind of tsouris and I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to sit here typing. To cut to the chase: I’M ZONING OUT. Every few minutes I drift into a dense fog, can’t focus my eyes and start blinking like a maniac to try and stay awake. My only remedy would be a nice tasty freeze-dried Mountain House entree for senior citizens about an hour from now, for dinner. I’m considering either Chili Mac or Noodles & Chicken. If you’d like to voice your preference please do so IMMEDATELY by clicking right here. (Thank you.)

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Today is Columbus Day ... although for the life of me I don’t know WHY. I think it’s time to stop the fairytales and tell the goddamn truth already.

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I’ve got a Putz of the Week for you today. This time we’re acknowledging Michelle Duggar, the matriarch of TLC’s “19 Useless Home-Schooled Self-Righteous Assholes and Counting,” the one with the clown car vagina who has married daughters pretending to be missionaries so they can grift the public for money and a married son named Josh, the disgraced former frontman for the Family Research Council hate group, who admitted in May to repeatedly molesting five of his sisters as a teen.  (The irony here should be obvious. Family research ... ?) That’s when the Duggars lost their sponsors, lost their fan base and lost their job on TV — and their only source of income — as a result.

Michelle, sadly, still thinks her opinion matters for some reason. Six months ago, before her perfectly godly family was exposed to be a complete fraud, she may have been taken seriously by the handful of gullible zealots who followed them. Nowadays, things are different. Duggar fans are fed up with them ... from their pitiful pleas for money to make “more videos” of people famous for nothing to daughter Jill’s missionary scam, the Duggars have lost it all.

But apparently that won’t stop Michelle from being better and holier than thou. Her latest blog post, which is about the most repulsive thing since watching her remind her husband on live television that poor little Josh only fondled his sisters “over the clothes,” deals with the fulfillment of a woman’s wifely duties:

Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one. So don’t forget that, that he needs you. So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need.

This bullshit doctrine that a woman’s job is to please her husband regardless of how she feels is exactly why the Christian right and people like the Duggars — anti-LGBT, anti-abortion, right-to-life phonies — will never be taken seriously. Sex slaves are illegal, so STFU!

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Thought you’d get a kick out of this!



Thank you for reading this.