Oy! Time marches on!

It’s a crazy-busy Wednesday morning here at Howdygram headquarters! We’re running the dishwasher, Sam is getting ready to throw a load of sheets into the washing machine and I’m seriously considering a chicken salad sandwich for lunch today on rye bread or Seasoned Meat Slabs for Senior Citizens with Grill Marks and Low-Carb Pasta Rice. I’m so excited in advance I can hardly stand it!

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Here’s a Howdygram feature that hasn’t appeared for a while ... BELIEVE IT OR DON’T BELIEVE IT featuring “then and now” pictures of movie stars and other celebrities for your possible interest and entertainment. Today we’ve got three for you: Teri Garr, Faye Dunaway and Michael York. These very big hoo-hahs from back in the 1970s are just a bunch of little wrinkly grandparents today. Oy! Time marches on!

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And now for the latest installment of Guess What I Just Bought, our semi-regular anthology of meaningful Internet purchases. My first web order du jour was a convenient little snappy case to hold all the loose credit cards flying around in the top drawer of my desk, which I purchased in aqua imitation vinyl with a goofy tan strap. It holds 26 credit cards and cost $6.99 from Amazon with free shipping.

As a handicapped elderly person who hasn’t set foot inside a retail establishment for at least four years, you might be interested to know that the snappy case pictured above will make its home in my desk, not in my purse.

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My second web order of the day was a few more Mountain House freeze-dried feasts for senior citizens, also from Amazon. This time I’m trying a couple of new varieties: Scrambled Eggs with Ham and Colorful Flecks and Spaghetti with Meat Sauce. I’ll write product reviews after I’ve had a chance to chow down, okay? I’ll be doing Mountain House entrees for dinner on weekdays through the end of the year while Sam works the later tier of second shift. He doesn’t get home until after 11 p.m., and that’s way too late for an elderly individual with diabetes to inject insulin and eat a meal.

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My third and final order today was this jar of ritzy Tri-Derma Protect & Heal Barrier Cream from Allegro Medical as part of my ongoing effort to get rid of the fucked-up raw and bleeding skin on the back of my thighs, which might be one of the worst chronic pain issues I’ve ever experienced. Tri-Derma gets amazing reviews from patients and caregivers and was a fine deal at $15.99 — HALF PRICE! — with free shipping.

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I’m on a “body maintenance” streak right now. I’ll be seeing my kidney specialist at 9:45 tomorrow morning and my cardiologist at 10 a.m. on October 13. A couple of hours ago I figured I might as well add my podiatrist into the mix, so I called Dr. Angelier’s office to set up an appointment for the week of October 19 and got a huge shock: HE RETIRED! And while I have no problem with retirement per se, since I’m a retiree myself and strongly recommend doing as little as possible for the rest of your life, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? Why the hell didn’t Dr. Angelier’s office notify his patients about this? I’ve been seeing him for YEARS. Send a postcard or a goddamn email! As it turns out, the partnership added a new podiatrist to their staff and I have a 9:30 appointment on October 22.

I don’t know if this is a “Texas” thing or what, but since Sam and I moved here in 2007 we’ve had two other medical professionals pull the same stupid disappearing act: 1) in 2009 my dentist closed her practice without warning to join the Army and didn’t refer her patients to anybody or offer to forward our records; and 2) not long after that Sam’s dentist, Dr. Dill with a pointy head, walked out on his entire practice and fucking VANISHED.

I’m really pissed. Thank you for reading this.