Thursday, October 22, 2015

Wonderful fluffy shit from HSN, just in time for all your Hanukkah shopping!

Once upon a time Sam went to Costco and I stayed home with a bucket of unfolded socks and underpants. (That has to be the best lede sentence I’ve ever written.) In case you’re wondering why I stay home, Sam always goes to Costco alone for the following excellent reasons: 1) it’s faster and cheaper without me; and 2) I’ve got a variety of mobility impairments that make shlepping and shopping difficult, annoying and uncomfortable. Our shopping list today includes chicken flautas, teeny tacos, spicy guacamole cups, Cape Cod chicken salad with smashed cranberries, sliced roast beef for sandwiches, grapefruit cups, and a box of frozen Angus pre-cooked hamburger patties with genuine grill marks.

Marty Ingels, the screwy comic actor and talent agent who was married to adorable Shirley Partridge Jones for 38 years, has died after suffering a massive stroke. He was 79 years old.
Ingels hit it big in the early 1960s when he starred opposite John Astin in the 1962 ABC comedy “I’m Dickens, He’s Fenster,” which became a cult favorite according to Variety. He also made guest appearances on “The Dick Van Dyke Show,” “Bewitched,” “Pete and Gladys” and “Murder, She Wrote.” His movie credits included The Horizontal Lieutenant and A Guide for the Married Man. In case you think this sounds lame, the IMDb indicates that Marty actually never stopped working; his most recent appearances were on CSI, New Girl and The Middle Ages.
Shirley and Marty met at a hoo-hah thrown by Michael Landon in 1974 and they married three years later. He always commented to friends that he couldn’t believe his luck ... he was a scrappy Jewish kid from Brooklyn who grew up to marry Miss America.

Holy crap already ... WHERE’S THE GODDAMN RAIN? The huge endless thunderstorms we were expecting this morning at 10 have been pushed back to 9 p.m., which means I just lost an entire day of delicious nap possibilities because I love sleeping through heavy rain BUT WE DIDN’T GET ANY. Oh ... one more weather thing. Apparently rain squalls from Hurricane Patricia — currently off the Pacific coast of Mexico — will spin their way north into Texas over the weekend and increase our predicted rainfall totals. Yay, right?

Ask Sam ... I am the reigning queen of comfort. I love fluffy robes, fuffy slippers, fluffy snacks, fluffy butt cushions, fluffy soft drinks, fluffy blankies and fluffy pillows. And that’s why I think the latest hoo-hah from HSN is such a great idea. ALL THIS SHIT IS FLUFFY! And also very NOT EXPENSIVE, just in time for Hanukkah! Have a nice time shopping, okay?

I’m right on the edge of a nuclear burnout where politics are concerned. I’VE FUCKING HAD ENOUGH. I’m sick of the billionaire orangutan with the big mouth, I’m sick of severely-addled Ben Carson, I’m sick of Ted Cruz’s whine, Jeb’s stupid cross-eyed face and sick of that dead squirrel riding around on Rand Paul’s head. And while I’m at it, I’m also fed up with the goddamn halfwits who support them!
What really takes the cake right now, however, is this idiotic Benghazi hearing run by that sweaty, discredited Tea Party poster child Trey Gowdy who looks like he got his face caught in a swinging door. If you’ve watched any of the video clips from Hillary Clinton’s testimony today you certainly will have seen Gowdy crumbling into a lukewarm puddle of Congressional manure. Can we please put this bullshit to rest already? Please? America has more important things to do ... AND WE’RE SICK OF CONGRESS, SICK OF BENGHAZI AND SICK OF HILLARY’S EMAILS!

Thank you for stopping by today. I think I’ll rehydrate a nice bag of Mountain House freeze-dried Beef Stroganoff for senior citizens and retreat into the family room for an after-dinner nap. Shalom to you and yours!

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