Tuesday, August 5, 2014

What I did all day today. You may need coffee to stay awake.

Here’s a tidy rundown of my Tuesday activities in case you’re wondering what I did all day today. Please feel free to grab a cup of coffee if you’re afraid you might not stay awake. This shit’s not especially interesting, even to ME.

I HAD LUNCH WITH SAM. Big deal, right? I can’t even remember what I ate. (I’m not kidding, either.)

I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHY THE BACK OF MY LEFT THIGH HURTS. It’s from Saturday night when I fell backwards in the bathroom and broke the toilet. I’ve been sore for three days and never realized WHY until today. I hope this clears up FAST because it hurts like to hell to sit at my desk Howdygrammin’ right now.

I TRIED TO TAKE A NAP. Didn’t work. Maybe later.

I SPENT ALL DAY LOOKING LIKE ALFALFA. You know, from the Little Rascals. Sam didn’t want to tell me I had a hunk of hair standing straight up on my head because I looked “cute” like that.
I ATE DINNER. Tonight’s feast was Oscar Mayer pickle & pimiento loaf on a toasty low-carb onion roll followed by two sugar-free lemon-lime Jell-O cups.

I BOUGHT THINGS. Now that I’m finally through with that shitty mystery fever I’ll consider this my Road to a Really Happy Recovery shopping event, celebrated simultaneously with Wal-Mart and Amazon Prime Pantry. Today’s purchases included a variety of crunchy things, more glucose tablets due to a continuing problem with hypoglycemia, canned nuts (they look so good!), an industrial-size drum of Q-Tips, paper essentials for a neat and shiny home, foam dinner plates and bowls (Sam loves foam bowls) and a couple cans of corned beef hash in case there’s a nuclear war and I can’t buy hot dogs from Five Guys.
Incidentally, in case you’ve never had a hot dog from Five Guys this is an experience you don’t want to miss. They’re HUGE, they’re GRILLED, they come with all kinds of EXCELLENT TOPPINGS, and I think they rival the hot dogs I always loved growing up in Chicago except the relish isn’t neon green and Five Guys doesn’t have any Vienna sport peppers. (That’s okay. I have a jar in the refrigerator.)
I guess that’s about it for today, people, so maybe I’ll stretch out for a few minutes in the family room while I wait for Sam to get home from work because the back of my leg is giving me grief. I don’t need any more grief. Tomorrow’s jam-packed agenda includes Sam picking up a prescription for me at CVS and also checking to see if our electronic scale survived The Great Bathroom Flood. This is almost as much fun as watching paint dry, isn’t it?

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