Saturday, June 28, 2014

Official Meatloaf Day and other meaningful diversions.

Know how to feel better about all the frustrating horseshit in the news? Do what I do. Spend a little time every day on the Royal Family’s website, because these calm, privileged, overdressed people are obviously so out of touch with reality it’s like they got dropped off on Earth from another planet with a lot of outrageous clothes. Check out the following pictures, okay? I especially love the geezers in tricorns and red dresses at the Founder’s Day lineup and the fancy velvet whatnots (with tassles!) and fluffy hats at the Order of the Garter hoo-hah. As for the Yeomen of the Guard, what can one say about a flotilla of men in red tights and 14th century ruffles? In service as the Queen’s bodyguards, they pretend to search the cellar ahead of the State Opening of Parliament every year, a solemn and recurring ritual that harkens back to the famous Gunpowder Plot of 1605 when Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliament. Seriously.

I wish America had diversions like these. We need some desperately.
In other news, it seems that Tiger Woods’ big post-surgery comeback event didn’t exactly turn out as planned. On Friday after two rounds he didn’t make the cut at Congressional following a pile of back-to-back bogeys, missing 16 greens and saving par only three times. On the plus side, however, his polo shirt was really, really clean.
And finally, today is OFFICIAL MEATLOAF DAY at Howdygram headquarters, an occasion that involves a large volume of ground beef, a bag of Dixie Carb Counters Meatloaf Mix, a couple of eggs and the best damn meatloaf pan God ever created. Also ketchup.
The Perfect Meatloaf Pan is a huge nonstick device with an easy lift-out tray THAT REALLY WORKS. I think this pan is the best invention in history not counting penicillin and the personal computer. I bought mine from Amazon but you can also find them at Wal-Mart if you want to spend more.

Thank you for reading this.

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