Friday, June 13, 2014

Just in time for your weekend cookout: Mad Cow Disease.

Another day, another two tons of toxic meat! The USDA has just recalled more than 4,000 pounds of beef due to a “remote” risk of Mad Cow Disease contamination. Some of it — in the form of bone-in ribeye roasts — was being sold fresh at Whole Foods. Shoppers beware: OVERPRICED DOES NOT MEAN SAFE.

According to the Los Angeles Times, the recalled beef was packaged between September 2013 and April 2014 and affected products include 40-pound cases of cryovac packages of bone-in Rain Crow Ranch Ribeye with the establishment number 2316 and quartered beef carcasses with the same establishment number. Nobody has actually gotten sick so the USDA has classified the situation as “a low-risk, class two recall.”

Mazel tov on your class two panic attack from the staff of the USDA.

And now ... ready for another Putz of the Week? This time we’re recognizing Senator John Cornyn of Texas, who wishes more Americans could die in Iraq.
Cornyn, a well-known GOP douchebag, is blasting President Obama via Twitter this week for failing to keep Iraq out of the hands of radical al Qaeda militants ... and he’s DEMANDING ANSWERS. I mean, if al Qaeda is taking over, what the hell was that whole war about? Why did our soldiers die?
Holy crap, Senator Cornyn ... very perceptive of you. WE’VE BEEN WONDERING THE SAME THING FOR MORE THAN A DECADE. Nice of you to catch up with the rest of us! Please make it a point to remind the families of all those U.S. troops who died in Iraq why we were there in the first place and why you felt justified in voting for that clusterfuck from day one. And don’t forget also to touch upon George W. Bush, 9/11, false pretenses, weapons of mass destruction and “Mission Accomplished.” You’re blaming PRESIDENT OBAMA? You damned idiot.
And now I’ll end this post with a couple of animated GIFs for your Friday night comic relief. Both feature Chris Christie — the corrupt Governor of New Jersey who seriously still thinks he can be elected President of the United States — dancing with Jimmy Fallon last night on “The Tonight Show.” Gouge my eyes out, people.


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