Friday, June 27, 2014

I’ve designated tomorrow as Official Meatloaf Day. The parade starts at 4:15.

This has been a productive and intensely exciting Friday for me, having already accomplished all of the following chores and projects.

WELCOMED MY NEW ICED TEA SPOONS. They came in the mail from Amazon this morning and I like them. Very utilitarian and pretty much what you’d expect when you buy eight for $6.99. I wouldn’t use them to serve the Queen, but since she’s not expected for tea anytime soon who the hell cares.

RECONFIGURED OUR NEW EMAIL ACCOUNTS. I switched our email configuration from POP3 to IMAP this morning, a change that lets Mac Mail pick up the contents our “spam” folders from Up until now we had to login to’s website two or three times a day to find out if anything important was being misdirected; with IMAP we don’t have to bother any more. Thank God, right?

ALMOST MADE A MEATLOAF. Sam brought home two pounds of gorgeous ground beef this morning from Wal-Mart because I wanted to make my world-famous low-carb meatloaf for dinner. Unfortunately I woke up late from my afternoon nap and forgot to keep an eye on the clock; at the moment it’s almost 7 p.m. and way too late to spend nearly two hours mooshing and baking dinner. Therefore I’ve designated tomorrow as OFFICIAL MEATLOAF DAY here at Howdygram headquarters. The parade starts at 4:15 Central time. Admission is free; please park only in designated spots.
CONSIDERED LAUNDRY. Sam got home from California on Sunday so there’s a LOT of it right now. Socks, underwear and polo shirts, mostly, in addition to the usual number of towels and sheets. I’m not feeling favorably inclined towards a project of this scope tonight, but since the cart magically wheeled itself into the hall this afternoon I suppose I’ll have to get started eventually. Tomorrow might be a good time. Maybe while my meatloaf is in the oven.

And now ... let’s have another Putz of the Week! Meet Timothy Ray Murray, the certifiable mental case who challenged longtime incumbent Rep. Frank Lucas (R-OK) for the Republican nomination in Oklahoma’s 3rd Congressional district. Murray lost the primary on Tuesday with less than 5% of the vote but intends to file a formal petition to contest the results because he says Lucas is actually dead and has been replaced by a “lookalike.” Reality has finally trumped satire. You just can’t make this crap up.

Murray claims that Lucas and “a few other Oklahoma and other States’ Congressional Members,” were executed “on or about” January 11, 2011 in southern Ukraine. Murray’s campaign website claims: “On television they were depicted as being executed by the hanging about the neck until death on a white stage and in front of witnesses. Other now-current members of Congress have shared those facts on television also. We know that it is possible to use lookalike artificial or manmade replacements, however Rep. Lucas was not eligible to serve in Congress after that time.”

“Many things have been said about me and to me during the course of my campaigns,” Lucas told KFOR-TV in Oklahoma City, “but this is the first time I’ve ever been accused of being a body double or a robot.”

Murray challenged Lucas once before, back in 2012 while pretending to be a Democrat, and Federal Election Commission records show that Murray’s campaign raised and spent just $50. His website’s “issues” page called for balancing the budget, protecting Social Security and Medicare, tax reform and “never use a lookalike to replace my message to you.” WTF?

Personally, people, I’m relieved to see that Timothy Ray Murray has found a home in today’s GOP. I sincerely hope somebody snags him for the 2016 presidential primary clown car, because this is just too much. Holy mother of crap.

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