Tuesday, June 19, 2018

When you’re a housebound senior citizen, thunderstorms are like free entertainment with a floor show.

Another hot and sticky summer day in Texas! We’re expecting a high of 93° here in the Dallas area with thunderstorms rolling in late this afternoon … and more of the same on Tuesday and Wednesday. Woo-hoo! When you’re a housebound senior citizen, thunderstorms are like free entertainment with a floor show.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

This absolutely can’t be Chef Boyardee’s best work.

Yo, everybody, and happy late Sunday night to you and yours! This has been a slow, lingering day that included: 1) several back-to-back naps; 2) a few nice movies; 3) practically no food; 4) two Popsicles; and 5) I still love my Morphine. In case you’re interested, item #3 was a can of Chef Boyardee Spaghetti and Meatballs. You know what? This turned out to be a huge disappointment … some inch-long noodles floating in runny red sauce with three tasteless meatballs. Meh. This absolutely can’t be Chef Boyardee’s best work.

Whether you’re planning a big backyard hoo-hah or just a remembrance, Happy Father’s Day.

It’s Father’s Day today, and although all of you are probably planning something unique to celebrate this holiday with your dad, mine will simply involve remembering, because my dad (Herbie) passed away in July 2002. That’s already 16 years ago! (Oy.) And my sweet father-in-law, Ben, died in 2009.

I’m thankful to be a housebound old broad in an air-conditioned mansion.

It’s nearly 2 p.m. on a hot and steamy Saturday afternoon … nearly 94° with 50% humidity. You may or may not realize this, but Texas is a fucking SWAMP in the summer, especially when the temperature reaches triple digits … and we have a lot of triple-digit days here, sometimes for weeks on end, and the air gets so heavy you almost can’t breathe.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Believe it or not, I’m still waiting for my new rolling computer desk from Amazon.

Hi, boys and girls! I thought I’d compose a second Howdygram post tonight ... because why the fuck not? It’s almost 9:30 p.m., the end of a quiet and relaxing day that included a refreshing bath at 6 p.m. when my hospice C.N.A. stopped by AND another fabulous unforgettable feast from Le Hospice Gourmet!

Friday, June 15, 2018

Lock him up! Paul Manafort goes to jail.

Happy Friday, boys and girls! It’s not quite 7 a.m. and I’m wide awake on my chaise in the family room, typing like a bat out of hell and sipping a sugar-free Clear American black cherry soda. (I love this stuff.) Sam just departed for his morning walk and will probably be gone about two hours. (He always walks before the day starts to “heat up.” The high today will be 94°.)

Thursday, June 14, 2018

I want to ride on Queen Elizabeth’s royal train.

What a day. Whether you believe me or not, I slept until 2 p.m. today, which turned out to be five hours late for my “morning” dose of Morphine. I woke up with a headache, dazed and confused, in severe physical pain and NOT ESPECIALLY HAPPY. It took about two hours to shake it all off (Morphine did a lot to help) and get me to the point I’m at right now ... at 5:30 on a clammy Texas afternoon. My pain level is a comfortable “3” (with the exception of a shitty sprain in my right foot) and I almost have an appetite again, albeit a small one. What a life.

Let’s all go to Baku, the garden spot of Azerbaijan!

Hello from Howdygram headquarters! I slept late this morning, and now I’m hanging out in the family room with my MacBook laptop ... pondering lunch. I don’t have much of an appetite, to tell you the truth, so I probably shouldn’t eat anything heavy. Maybe just Kraft’s high-class pimiento cheese shmeared on crackers with a plastic knife plus a side order of Mt. Olive sweet corn relish. (And napkins.)

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Big and little issues, an Einstein Award and another box of no-rinse shampoo caps.

I’ll bet you can’t guess what time it is. Give up? It’s 1:35 in the morning, and I’m wide awake due to a poorly-timed four-hour nap last night. You’re in luck, though, because I’ve decided to murder a couple of hours composing another Howdygram post! Woo-hoo! 

Monday, June 11, 2018

We finally decided to move my big iMac workstation from the study into the family room.

Happy Monday morning from the new “nerve center” at Howdygram headquarters! It is with total glee and joyful hysteria that I make the following yoooge announcement: Yesterday Sam and I made the momentous decision to relocate my big iMac computer workstation from the study to the family room so I won’t feel like somebody drained the life out of my body any more.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

I don’t want to write about poo.

Hello, people. It’s 12 noon and I’m writing to you from the comfort of my chaise lounge in the family room. I wanted to begin by telling you I was constipated for the last two weeks, however that’s not true any more as of 6:30 this morning and I’m feeling fine. So fuck it and let’s move on. (I don’t want to write about poo.)

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Anthony Bourdain, America’s rock star storyteller chef, is dead at 61.

It’s 5 p.m. Friday afternoon but I’ve already had a mighty weird day that includes all of the following events, episodes and incidents, presented to you in neatly-subtitled paragraphs ...

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Ruby Keeler danced like a flailing Clydesdale. And she couldn’t sing, either.

Good Thursday evening, boys and girls! It’s 7:10 p.m. and pitch black outside with plenty of loud thunder due to a line of big storms rumbling south from McKinney and Plano. While I’d love to post the storm map from Weather.com I can’t access the damn thing with my MacBook laptop because the browser is too old. So no map!

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Peculiar movies are part of tonight’s entertainment, including “Callaway Went Thataway” with Howard Keel.

It’s 8:45 Wednesday night, and this is the first chance I’ve had all day to write a Howdygram post. Here’s a breakdown of today’s activities for your possible interest.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Tuesday’s Morphine Mania … and other essential baloney.

It’s early Tuesday afternoon because I slept really late today — 11:30 a.m. — and I’m finally getting around to all the crap I usually do when I first wake up, like taking all my morning meds and eating a banana for tbe potassium. (That was a screwy opening sentence, wasn’t it?)

Monday, June 4, 2018

Assorted hoo-hahs for Monday … and I finally got my extra extended release Morphine!

Happy Monday afternoon, people. I just finished a late lunch, I’m sipping a nice tall glass of Sparkling Ice Pomegranate Blueberry soda, Sam is asleep on the sofa and I’m watching Fast and Loose (1939) starring Robert Montgomery and Rosalind Russell. This is actually another rip-off of The Thin Man ... a husband-and-wife team of rare book dealers who occasionally solve crimes and get into jams with mobsters and/or the cops. It’s fun and fluffy but not especially compelling because nobody compares to Nick and Nora Charles.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

My life is so bizarre now ...

It’s late Sunday night now. Sam’s asleep on the sofa, I’m enjoying one of my favorite Andy Hardy movies — Andy Hardy Meets Debutante (1940) starring Mickey Rooney, Lewis Stone and Judy Garland — one of 15 Andy Hardy movies stored on our DVR. However I think the best of the bunch is Judge Hardy and Son (1939) co-starring Maria Ouspenskaya, and believe it or not I watch it at least once a month! (I know, I know. This is nuts.)

This has been quite a day here, relatively-speaking!

Sam and I have to get synchronized. He went shopping at Wal-Mart before I woke up this morning … which means I didn’t have a chance to to print the neatly-typed grocery list I’d prepared for the occasion, and that he only remembered to buy everything HE needed. At this point in time, therefore, we’re still missing all of the following:

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Any theories about what happened to Melania Trump?

Happy Saturday morning, boys and girls. I had my first real test last night with hospice protocol when we began monitoring a wild “temperature swing” that started around 5 p.m. For absolutely no reason whatsoever my body temperature dropped from 97.2° (normal for me) to 95° about an hour later, and then jumped up four degrees to 99° by 9 p.m. I was feeling extremely lousy! But while the temperature hoo-hah definitely wasn’t a good sign — all of our calls to 911 begin with that symptom! — there were four pluses to consider as well: 1) I did NOT have the chills; 2) I was still fully conscious and talking to Sam; 3) I wasn’t pishing all over myself; and 4) there were no worries in case I couldn’t breathe because I already had oxygen here.

Friday, June 1, 2018

If you’d like to remember the Alamo, please be quick about it. Thank you.

I’m not having a pleasant evening tonight. I guess you could say I’m feeling generally BLECCHY, and Sam is monitoring my temperature for changes and abnormalities. Earlier today it was a “normal” 97.2°, by the time I ate dinner it had dropped to 96.5°, and right now, at 9 p.m., it’s 95°. That’s awfully LOW! Fortunately, though, I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything tonight … I can just lie here on the chaise lounge and let Sam fuss over me! I’m watching a World War II movie by John Ford called December 7th (1943) starring Walter Huston, Dana Andrews and Harry Davenport. It’s a semi-documentary and not especially riveting so far, but it’s only “background noise” while I work on this Howdygram post so I’m willing to overlook that.