Remember … the Alamo is nothing at which to sneeze.

Good morning, boys and girls! Well, okay, it’s not really morning … it just feels like morning because Sam woke me up a couple of minutes ago to say good night and remind me to take my bedtime meds, so I decided to stay awake for a little while and work on the Howdygram. Got it?

Do you have any idea how many glorious meals an elderly person can make from canned food?!

It’s Wednesday morning, and it’s good to be alive! I won’t get too dramatic with you (if I can help it), but lately I’m beginning to have a different view of life. For instance, I treasure every Popsicle … and I frequently ponder the beautiful canned goods in my pantry, a few of which include: 1) Del Monte Zucchini in Italian Style Tomato Sauce; 2) pickled beets; 3) Chef Boyardee Chili Mac, Mac & Cheese, Ravioli, and Spaghetti Rings with Fetal Meatballs; 4) Del Monte Whole New Potatoes; 5) Ro-Tel Diced Tomatoes; 6) Campbell’s Chicken Gravy. With a pantry like this, do you blame me? Do you have any idea how many glorious meals an elderly person can make from canned food like that?!

I must be hungry. There’s no other explanation for the first paragraph of this post.

There’s nothing quite like the “glug” and “sputter” of an oxygen generator.

TUESDAY, 8/14/2018, 6:27 A.M. It’s barely 6:30 in the morning here at Howdygram headquarters, and I’ve been awake for two hours already. I’ve also consumed a lot of pills, half a glass of Golden Peach soda, a container of Yoplait Boston Creme Pie yogurt (meh) and two extremely tropical Popsicles. Ahh, I’m stuffed!

I still do my own HTML coding for the Howdygram. Impressed?

It’s still frustrating when I’m working on a Howdygram post and can’t fix HTML coding errors. Yes, I still do my own coding for the Howdygram! This evening, for instance, I had issues coding the Recipe Retardo box. Somehow the background color wasn’t right, and the “padding” — the blank space between the ruled box and where the text begins — was wacky. So I kept deleting and starting over, deleting and starting over, and on and on, until I got what I wanted. Arrgh! And if that’s not enough, during it all Sam and I had to deal with a few “issues” about his lack of sleep, feeling exhausted (Sam), not eating enough (Sam), not realizing what day of the week it is (me), etc., until I thought my brain would go KABLOOEY already.

I have to wreck some truly excellent progress by confessing to a few stupid setbacks.

After spending eight productive hours last night sitting at my computer workstation, I have to wreck some truly excellent progress — finally making headway against my latest urinary tract infection; inventing a new recipe even though I’m practically bedridden; eliminating all the horrible, dry “alligator” skin from my feet and shins — by confessing to a few stupid setbacks. I’ll begin, therefore, by discussing the aforementioned setbacks in question. They are: 1) my skin is splitting; 2) my nose is dried out from wearing a cannula all the damn time; and 3) at the moment I can’t think of anything else. However, the “splitting skin” mentioned in item #1 is probably about an inch long on the left side of my body … located parallel to my waistline, below my rib cage and slightly around towards my back. (Got that? There’s a biology quiz on Wednesday.) To me, it feels like a giant paper cut, and when I asked Sam to take a look at it last night with a flashlight, he said it looked like a giant paper cut ... and he said it’s been bleeding, too.

Sam just got home from Costco with a tub of Tide Pods and no Brownie Brittle.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 10, 2018, 8:17 A.M. Happy Friday morning from north Texas, where it’s dark, dismal, thundering and raining hard. There are, however, a couple of “positives” from all this: 1) we desperately need the moisture; and 2) the high temperature today will only be 81°, which is practically cold for the middle of August around here. We’re expecting several thunderstorms (off and on) all day today, part of the day on Saturday and Sunday, too. This report is provided free of charge by the staff meteorologists at Howdygram headquarters … which is actually just me and the weather section of Yahoo News.

If you can find time to remember the Alamo, you’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din!

Hi-de-ho, everybody … it’s 10 a.m. Thursday morning, and we’re in the middle of a thunderstorm here … thunder and lightning and rain! I’m on the chaise in the family room, and Sam is in the garage with the overhead door open, watching the storm roll through. It’s like being part of a National Geographic special.

Sam and I are pulling an “all-nighter” tonight … and I can’t wait to tell you why.

TUESDAY, 8/7/2018, 11:39 A.M. Here’s wishing a happy, happy Tuesday to you and yours from Howdygram headquarters! Sam and I are relaxing here in the family room with Popsicles and The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974) starring Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. It’s a lovely, lazy summer day here in Texas, and in case you’re wondering … RETIREMENT IS FUCKING FABULOUS.

My catheter tube disconnected tonight.

Hey, boys and girls, it’s me again … and what a day it’s been! For your possible interest I’ll list (and chronicle) the three visits I had today from various hospice medical personnel.

BATH-TIME WITH LETITIA. Letitia showed up at noon for a pleasant bath (mine, of course) and alpha-hydroxy cream therapy for my feet and legs. She’ll be back on Wednesday and Friday for more.

I choose not to mention the Alamo because my brain is at the czar’s Winter Palace in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Yo, shalom and hi-de-ho from the nerve center of Howdygram headquarters! It’s a pleasant Sunday morning here in north Texas, although I wouldn’t know anything whatsoever about the weather, the temperature, the humidity, or when we’re expecting our next rainfall … because I never leave this room (or this house), and if I want to know any pedestrian weather statistics I’ll simply have to rely on The Weather Channel. Therefore ...

Sam might make a scouting visit to The Villages of Lake Highlands today.

I’d like to begin this post with a general overview of Saturday, August 4 … using neatly-typed bright red subheads. Thank you.

I’VE BEEN COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS since 8 o’clock this morning and honestly don’t remember anything after that … although my day started long before 8 a.m. Frankly, I remember first waking up around 4, with Sam whispering that I never took my bedtime meds. So I opened my eyes, yanked off my cannula (plastic breathing apparatus), swallowed a fistful of pills and announced that I’d like to sit at my computer workstation for a few hours. So that’s what I did, and I was still sitting at my desk — developing several new greeting card designs — when Sam left to go for his morning walk at 5:45. By the time he got home, though, I was exhausted and nodding off, so I took a nice juicy dose of liquid Morphine, shlepped myself back to the chaise lounge and passed out.

Today’s little gang includes useful scripts, pleasant display fonts and a cute collection of ice cream dingbats.

Happy Friday afternoon, boys and girls, and welcome to my second post of the day! I just finished up a late afternoon appointment with my hospice R.N., Stella, who stopped by to see if I’m making any progress with my urinary tract infection (answer: YES), are the antibiotics working (answer: YOU BETCHA) and when was the last time I pooped (answer: WHOA, NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS). She also checked my vital signs (blood pressure: 116/60), and then we confirmed a date for my next catheter change (August 23). Whew. On top of that, my hospice C.N.A. was here this morning for a bath (for me, obviously) and also for a therapeutic foot rub to remove some dead flaky skin. It’s definitely been hectic around here today.

I don’t like Clint Eastwood and I refuse to recommend any of his movies.

It’s August, boys and girls, and time once again for Summer Under the Stars on Turner Classic Movies! TCM features a different movie star every day of the month, giving you a chance to see 24 hours of nonstop Peter Lorre movies (for instance) or maybe Doris Day movies. Here’s TCM’s schedule for the rest of the month, and as each few days approach I’ll let you know which movies you shouldn’t plan to miss under any circumstances. (Do with this information whatever you will ... although watching great TV is the general idea here!)

Maybe it’s time to start thinking about Manischewitz matzo balls for lunch.

Happy Thursday morning to you and yours from Howdygram headquarters! It’s 10:37 a.m. and I just woke up. I realize this must sound slothful and indolent to those of you who still lead productive lives, but I’m retired, handicapped and housebound … and already I can tell I’m having difficulties today with tremors. The tremors mostly affect my hands and fingers … crazy, jerky, repetitive motions. For instance, if I’m deleting a series of emails by pressing the “delete” key, my fingers will continue to strike the keyboard for minutes afterwards until I make a conscious decision to actually move my hand. Very weird, very annoying … and very scary sometimes, too, especially when the tremors start up all over my body, and that includes my tongue, my mouth, my arms and my legs, and even occasionally my eyelids! Today, so far, the tremors are limited to my fingers and both hands.

Only six weeks until Marcy’s 2018 nursing home adventure. Holy crap!

TUESDAY, JULY 31, 2018, 10:19 A.M. While Sam and I wait for my hospice social worker to drop in today I thought I’d get started on my Howdygram post. I’ve only been awake for an hour so far, but from the peace and solace of my chaise lounge I’ve observed all of the following: 1) my right shoulder is fucking killing me; 2) I’m having some trouble breathing; 3) I wish the hospice pharmacy would deliver my antibiotics already because this urinary tract infection is DRIVING ME NUTS; and 4) Sam is watching The Princess Bride (1987) starring Robin Wright and Mandy Patinkin. (I’m not a big fan. I prefer movies from the 1930s.)