TUESDAY, JULY 31, 2018, 10:19 A.M. While Sam and I wait for my hospice social worker to drop in today I thought I’d get started on my Howdygram post. I’ve only been awake for an hour so far, but from the peace and solace of my chaise lounge I’ve observed all of the following: 1) my right shoulder is fucking
killing me; 2) I’m having some trouble breathing; 3) I wish the hospice pharmacy would deliver my antibiotics already because this urinary tract infection is DRIVING ME NUTS; and 4) Sam is watching
The Princess Bride (1987) starring Robin Wright and Mandy Patinkin. (I’m not a big fan. I prefer movies from the 1930s.)
I’ve also been mulling over the BIG RESPITE HOO-HAH that’s coming up six weeks from now when Sam flies to Los Angeles for five days to visit his friends and relatives, and
yours truly will be transported to a ritzy SKILLED NURSING FACILITY in Dallas (The Villages of Lake Highlands) where I’ll eat, sleep and watch TV
— all free of charge! — in accommodations provided by Accord Hospice. I’ll bring my laptop, of course, so I can offer y’all daily, neatly-typed insights into my yooge adventure. In the meantime, however, I haven’t written anything about this yet — my fears, my curiosity, my expectations — because I think I’m still experiencing a certain level of disbelief.
Oy. A nursing home?
One interesting feature is that — if we want to — Sam and I can do this
multiple times every year, which offers Sam a chance to take much-needed caregiver’s “respites” and I’ll be fed, protected, cared for and pretty much left on my own with plenty of fun beverages and a fully-charged MacBook. In the meantime I think I might ask Sam to scout out The Villages of Lake Highlands and take a few pictures for me. I’d also be interested in seeing a few sample mealtime menus so I’ll know what to expect from the dining room every day. Please stay tuned for additional updates, boys and girls!
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 1, 2018, 8:41 A.M. Although it probably looks like I “lost” almost 24 hours since starting this post yesterday morning, that’s not really the case here. Actually, I: 1) lounged around all day doing as little as possible;
2)
walked shlepped to my Mac workstation around 5 p.m. to upload the rest of my Donald Trump greeting card collection for
The Howdygram Store; 3) moved back to my chaise last night around 11:30; and 4) fell asleep before I had a chance to finish this post. In addition I also found time to struggle with my goddamn urinary tract infection and not digest my dinner (one ignorant corn dog) that I attempted to regurgitate
— unsuccessfully — at least three times.
I bet you’d like to know how yesterday’s meeting with my hospice social worker turned out,
right? Apparently Sam had mentioned my mobility difficulties to the hospice chaplain a few days earlier, the chaplain called Theresa to ask for her intervention, and Theresa set up our meeting yesterday to offer her suggestions. She had some good ones (as always), but we’d already solved my number one mobility issue on our own with the
WORLD-FAMOUS TUSH PUSH [see
post] … and everybody died happy! (Calm down. It’s just a figure of speech.)
The State Fair of Texas is coming up — September 28 through October 21 at Fair Park here in Dallas — which also means that it’s time for a peek at the first round of new and disgusting deep-fried foods competing for 2018’s
Big Tex Choice Awards! After the “taste-off” at the end of August I’ll let you know which foods make it to the finals … and win! (Red stars denote the Howdygram’s picks for Most Puke-Worthy.) For your possible enjoyment, I’ve separated the following list by
sweet and
savory.
SAVORY
Corn Dog Ale
★
Deep-Fried Bodacious Bacon Bombs
Deep-Fried Chicken Tetrazzini Parmesana
Deep-Fried Lobster Pops
Deep-Fried Ranch
Deep-Fried Shepherd’s Pie
Deep-Fried Skillet Potato Melt in a Boat
★
Fried Cup of Corn “Elotes”
Fried Kool-Aid Pickles
★
Hoppin’ John Cake With Jackpot Sauce
★
King Crispy Coconut Crab Sliders
★
Deep-Fried Pico De Gallo
★
Southern-Fried Chicken Nachos
Texas Fried Hill Country (Fried Mozzarella and Green Tomatoes)
Texas Twang-Kie
SWEET
Bacon Brittle
★
Cherish Erbert Champagne
Cotton Candy Taco
★
Deep-Fried M&Ms
Deep-Fried Raspberry Brie-Ret
Frosty’s Frozen Hot Chocolate
Fruity Dessert Nachos
Kool-Aid Pickle-Dilly Sangria
★
Orange Julia’s Beer-Mosa
★
State Fair Fun-L Cake Ice Cream
Supra Stuffed Mini Sopapillas
Sweet Bakin’ Bacon
Sweet Crispy Rice
Deep-Fried Strawberry Cream Cheese Pies
I don’t think I mention this often enough, but the canned goods from
Wal-Mart are REALLY OUTSTANDING because you get an inexpensive meal (usually $1.48 or less) that’s a perfect portion for one senior citizen. Since I spend most of my life
reclining, a single can of food is all I need … whether it’s a vegetable like Del Monte Pickled Beets or a small but tasty entrée like Chef Boyardee Beefaroni. When necessary, Sam heats everything in a sturdy 22 oz. soup mug that makes it easy to handle when I’m lying down.
Today I’m expecting a Wal-Mart delivery that includes several canned goods I’ll be trying for the
first time: 1) Chef Boyardee Mac & Cheese; 2) Margaret Holmes Seasoned Italian Green Beans; 3) Glory Sweet Potato Casserole; and 4) Del Monte Zucchini in Italian Tomato Sauce. Actually, #4 isn’t really “new” because mom always served it as a side dish when I was a kid way back in the
olden days (i.e., the 1950s). It’s already 11:15 p.m. — almost bedtime — so I might ask Sam to heat up a can of Margaret Holmes Seasoned Italian Green Beans and I’ll be fine for the rest of the night. (I want Popsicles, too.)
Thank you for reading this!
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