My jar of red pepper flakes disappeared.

Hi, people. It’s 3:30 in the morning and I have no idea why I’m sitting at my desk. I went to bed at midnight EXHAUSTED and woke up for no reason whatsoever three hours later. Or it could have been the huge thunderstorms that rolled through here all night with buckets of torrential rain. (Definitely NOT typical January weather for north Texas.) For your possible interest I’ll post a current snapshot from Weather.com; the red star denotes Howdygram headquarters. (Don’t bother zooming in; I don’t feel much like waving right now.)

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You know how sometimes things go missing in your house for no reason whatsoever and you think you’re losing your mind? This actually happened in February 2011 with Sam’s black stretchy TV-watching pants, and it eventually took TWO YEARS to find them shoved to the back of a shelf in our walk-in closet behind a row of dress shirts.

This time, however, it’s not stretchy pants: MY JAR OF RED PEPPER FLAKES DISAPPEARED. We haven’t seen it since last Wednesday, leading Sam to believe the maid threw it out by mistake. I’m guessing maybe she broke the jar and didn’t tell me. (She’s never done anything like that before but I figure there’s always a first time for everything, right?) Nevertheless, just in case my red pepper flakes staged a coup and managed to sneak out of the house unassisted I’ve decided to run the following ad in the Dallas Morning News.

Thank you. I have to go back to bed now.