Surviving canned cheese, green olives, an oncoming migraine and Bruce Jenner.

It’s 3:45 Sunday morning, Sam is Phoenix AND I’VE GOT A CRAVING. I desperately need a can of Australian cheddar cheese and a bowl of nice big green olives stuffed with red whatnots, pictured below for your possible interest. Even though I’ve got both items in the refrigerator there are a couple of pivotal issues holding me back from a trip to the kitchen: 1) knee pain; and 2) I think I feel a migraine starting, in which case I’d be way better off in bed with the lights out instead of eating things in the family room with this week’s episode of “Millionaire Matchmaker.”

I think the migraine is winning this round. Shut the light when you’re done here, okay?

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There must be something seriously wrong with me. It’s 7:22 a.m., and after all that hoo-hah about going to bed this morning with an oncoming migraine I NEVER GOT THE HEADACHE and also didn’t sleep, either, except for BARELY TWO AND A HALF STINKING HOURS, during which I had a nonstop nightmare about Bruce Jenner, pictured at right, opening up an online retail store to sell poison and twin beds in Malibu. What the fuck?

Now that I’m wide awake I suppose I should go eat the canned cheese and green olives I’ve been obsessing about all night along with a toasty English muffin just for the hell it. And a lot of butter. And a Marcytini. I’M STARVING. I’ll be back later.