Lou Gehrig never missed a game ... and it killed him.

THURSDAY, 9:35 A.M. It’s a dark and overcast morning, and Sam is sitting in the garage — on his favorite retired desk chair — waiting for some YOOGE THUNDERSTORMS to roll in from Fort Worth. If you’d like to share this thrilling weather event with us please send an email as soon as possible … and bring your own cookies. Thank you.

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According to a report this morning on CNN.com, Swedish meatballs may not be from Sweden after all. In a declaration on Sweden’s official Twitter account, apparently the dish originated in Turkey: “Swedish meatballs are actually based on a recipe that King Charles XII brought home from Turkey in the early 18th century.” Holy shit, am I right?

Swedish Turkish meatballs. Will IKEA have to dump them from its menu?

However, learning the true origin of Swedish meatballs was not as earth-shattering for me as discovering several years ago that Lou Gehrig didn’t actually die from Lou Gehrig’s Disease. He actually succumbed to the same brain trauma hoo-hah as NFL players! Nicknamed “Iron Man” by his Yankees teammates, Gehrig was a strong believer in “playing through the pain,” even when severe head injuries were involved. The idiot never missed a game ... and it killed him.

Baseball legend Lou Gehrig. 

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THURSDAY, 3:30 P.M. You’ll be pleased to learn that we survived our storms … none of which were severe. We had decent rain for five hours, a smattering of occasional thunder, no scary straightline winds and zero tornadoes. Meh!

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Last night Rudy Giuliani — Donald Trump’s trashy new attorney and the former mayor of New York — appeared on Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News. On its own that was already surreal enough … until Giuliani opened his big mouth and spewed forth some stunning admissions about his client. And at least five can be considered FELONIES.

According to Congressman Ted Lieu (D-CA), who’s a former Air Force JAG prosecutor, here’s the list: 1) the $130,000 payment to Stormy Daniels just 11 days before the 2016 election was an “in-kind” coordinated contribution from the Trump campaign … and it was above the legal limit; 2) Michael Cohen, Trump’s personal attorney/fixer, was a “straw donor” who used a shell company to cover up the true source of the contribution; 3) false statements were made on financial disclosures; 4) false statements were made on banking forms; and 5) Trump fired FBI Director James Comey specifically to try to put an end to the Trump-Russia investigation. Number five is the textbook definition of felony obstruction of justice.

The Manhattan orangutan (left) and Rudy Giuliani. These turds deserve each other.

Lieu explained that campaign finance law violations over $25,000 are felonies. The in-kind contribution of $130,000 to Stormy Daniels was over that line, and paying Michael Cohen so he could pay Stormy Daniels is called money laundering.

Trump can try to spin this mess any way he wants, but it’s still illegal and he’ll still wind up in prison. Raise your hand if you can’t wait!

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Know who wants spaghetti and meatballs for dinner? Me! Sam doesn’t know it yet, though. I’ll spring it on him as soon as he gets back from his walk around the block. As a final entry to today’s Howdygram post I’ll share my recipe for Marcy’s Senior Citizen Stove-Free Spaghetti and Meatballs.

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For MARCY’S SENIOR CITIZEN STOVE-FREE SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS you’ll need the following ingredients: 1) two pouches of microwaveable Hokkien Stir-Fry Noodles; 2) about 12 oz. of any pasta sauce; and 3) half a dozen nice frozen Italian meatballs, nuked.

So here’s what you do! Microwave both pouches of noodles, dump them in a pasta bowl and throw your meatballs on top. Heat the pasta sauce in a mug or measuring cup and pour over the pasta and meatballs. Serve with grated parmesan cheese and a William Powell movie. Instant feast with a good movie on the side!

Senior Citizen Stove-Free Spaghetti and Meatballs … an instant feast in about four minutes!

By the way, you can find those fabulous Hokkien noodles on Wal-Mart’s website. They’re the best thing ever invented not counting penicillin, silicone breast implants or sugar-free Jell-O!

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Thank you for reading this and don’t forget the Alamo, okay?