The Howdygram 2: I’m in the hospital. Again.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

I’m in the hospital. Again.

Once again — no surprise — I’m back in the hospital. Baylor Medical Center in Sunnyvale, to be exact. I arrived this morning around 1 a.m. with a number of familiar symptoms … wheezing, a rising fever and chills. I was pretty well “out of it” when I got here and don’t remember the ambulance ride or even being catherized when I arrived at the E.R. (It’s always pleasant NOT to remember catheterization.) When I was finally moved to a room a couple of hours later I’m told that a nurse inserted a PICC line. (I don’t remember that, either.)

Baylor Medical Center in Sunnyvale.

I have no idea how long I’ll be here. I sincerely believe I’m depressed, however, and very tired of being hospitalized every 60 days. (This is my third time since the first of the year.)

Here’s a quick summary of yesterday’s events at Howdygram headquarters.

A VISIT FROM ELITE MOBILE DENTAL. They showed up with my new lower denture around noon-ish. Excited to give ‘em a try, I tried to glue them in with an extra-hold powder adhesive that worked for maybe seven minutes. I’ll try again with Sea Bond when I get home from the hospital.

A VISIT FROM MY PODIATRIST. When I called Dr. Hayes’ office to find out what (if any) progress they made scheduling me with a home health nurse, they informed me that Dr. Hayes’ associate was on his way over to evaluate the condition of the “ulcer” on my miserable left heel. Apparently they wanted to see this first-hand before passing me off to a home health nurse. Made sense. So the doctor showed up about five minutes after Elite Mobile Dental finished up. He medicated and wrapped my heel, and just for fun he also cut my toenails and removed AN ENORMOUS, POINTY, ROCK-HARD HOO-HAH from that “screaming” baby toe I always whine about. Woo-hoo!

MY HEALTH PLUMMETS AFTER DINNER. Around 8 p.m. I started running a temperature (always a frightening situation for me) and an hour after that Sam said he heard me wheezing. He called the paramedics when I couldn’t get up off the commode, but they didn’t take me to the hospital at that point because I was still completely responsive. That changed, unfortunately, and by midnight Sam called 911 again, and this time they took me by ambulance to Baylor Medical Center in Sunnyvale. I had a congestive heart failure incident due to not taking enough Lasix — a nuclear-powered diuretic — and this time I was unresponsive. (Please refer back to the opening paragraph of this post for the rest of the story.) The hospital cardiologist wants me to try taking 80mg of Lasix every day at breakfast after I go home. Holy shit!

The Manhattan orangutan sent a letter to Kim Jong Un today, bitching and moaning about “tremendous anger and open hostility” (Kim called Mike Pence a political dummy and a moron), missed opportunities such as “great prosperity and wealth” (important only to Trump, incidentally) but hoping for reconcilliation at some point in the future … a lot like a 15-year-old boy desperately trying to get back together with the girl who dumped him.