Don’t miss the royal wedding on Saturday … the ritzy soirée begins at 3:30 a.m.

FRIDAY, 5/18/2018, 5:45 A.M. Good morning from Texas! It’s very early here, still pitch black outside, and I’ve been up since around 4 a.m. Frankly, I’m almost positive that I forced myself to wake up this morning because I thought the royal wedding was today … but it’s NOT. It’s tomorrow! So instead, to amuse myself, I asked Sam to nuke a breakfast biscuit for me (with egg, cheese and sausage) with Pepperidge Farm pizza-flavored goldfish as a side dish. (Regular cheese-flavored goldfish would be okay, too. We have both kinds.)

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FRIDAY, 9:36 P.M. We had a wonderful, wonderful day today with Sandi and Bob. It was so damn good to see her again! Sam and Bob picked up lunch from Shorty’s Barbecue in Sunnyvale, and we all sat around in the family room stuffing ourselves with brisket, chicken, sausage, Shorty’s house-made barbecue sauce, potato salad and cowboy beans. Oh my God … yummy!

A platter of amazing Texas barbecue from Shorty’s in Sunnyvale.

Sandi and Bob will be back tomorrow morning after breakfast. If they’re interested maybe we can watch the royal wedding on NBC … I’ll be recording the entire ritzy soirée beginning at 3:30 a.m.

Incidentally, in case you haven’t seen this in the news today, Meghan Markle will walk alone down the aisle tomorrow and give herself away during the wedding ceremony at Windsor Castle. Prince Charles will apparently have a minor role in all this hoo-hah, but after Meghan’s father announced recently that he wouldn’t attend the wedding she decided to make a feminist statement by not wanting a male escort. Woo-hoo! I love this … she’s kicking royal ass!

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are getting married on Saturday!

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To cheer myself up tonight — and to get my mind off some really persistent health problems — I’m watching a fun romantic comedy called You’ve Got Mail (1998) starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. In case you didn’t know, You’ve Got Mail is a remake of 1940’s The Shop Around the Corner starring James Stewart and Margaret Sullavan ... except the remake involves email rather than snail-mail. And of course, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan couldn’t be cuter if they tried. (Seriously.)

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in “You’ve Got Mail.”

Incidentally, the aforementioned “persistent health problems” include: 1) severe pain in my left foot from a screaming and deformed baby toe; 2) a leaking blister on my left heel; 3) diabetic neuropathy; 4) shortness of breath; and 5) an uncontrollable bladder. This shit really makes me SO GODDAMN MISERABLE! I tried sitting in a chair after Sandi and Bob left tonight, and I only lasted about 20 minutes. My heel and baby toe were throbbing so badly I started to cry. I WANT THIS CRAP TO END ALREADY!

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I guess I’ll sign off now and get myself ready for bed. It’s 11:30 p.m., I need my pills and my insulin (Sam will have to bring those to me) and another trip to the commode. Many thanks for stopping by tonight, thank you for reading this, and if you can’t remember the Alamo then go shoot yourself. Ciao.