The Howdygram 2: Wishing you a happy Mother’s Day and an expensive buffet with unlimited shrimp.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Wishing you a happy Mother’s Day and an expensive buffet with unlimited shrimp.

MOTHER’S DAY, 6:43 A.M. Good morning one and all. It’s not quite 7 a.m., Sam just left for his daily walk at Samuell Park, and I’ve been up since the crack of dawn … ready to start my day with another Howdygram post. Today, of course, it’s a little different. It’s MOTHER’S DAY, and I’d like to wish lots of love — and hopefully an expensive Mother’s Day brunch with unlimited shrimp — to all you mamas out there.

My own mother passed away about three years ago at age 92. As time goes by I’m remembering many good things about her, including: 1) she made fine spaghetti and meatballs; 2) her house was always clean enough for the cover of Architectural Digest; and 3) she did truly fabulous laundry. I wanted to post a picture of mom today but I don’t have any photos loaded on my MacBook Pro … so this will have to wait until I can get back into the study, probably tomorrow or Tuesday. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

TODAY. This afternoon I plan to watch Tiger Woods — everybody’s favorite re-emerging golf superstar — in round four of the Players Championship on NBC. This is a VERY BIG DEAL and I think you should watch it with me!

Tiger Woods.

TUESDAY, MAY 15. On Tuesday evening Turner Classic Movies will launch its ANDY HARDY MARATHON … showing 12 of the original 15 films starring Mickey Rooney and Lewis Stone.

SATURDAY, MAY 19. The “Today” show on NBC is airing complete coverage of HARRY AND MEGHAN’S ROYAL WEDDING — six straight hours! — starting at 3:30 a.m. Central time. Believe it or not, I haven’t missed a royal wedding in my entire lifetime. I’ve seen bumper-to-bumper wedding coverage for Prince Charles and Diana, Prince Andrew and Fergie, Prince Charles and Camilla, Prince William and Kate, and now Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. I’ve always watched these weddings “live,” but I can’t quite swing it this time for Harry and Meghan because my best friend Sandi will be in town that weekend, and waking up in the middle of the night to watch a wedding on TV would cut into our coveted “gabfest” time later on in the day due to my need for an extended nap. Therefore I’ve decided to record the entire wedding (from 3:30 to 9:30 a.m.) and watch it on Sunday after Sandi flies back to Chicago.

Prince Harry and fiancée Meghan Markle.

You also won’t want to miss the PREAKNESS STAKES on the 19th, the second leg of horse racing’s Triple Crown, which will be televised on NBC. Post time is 5:20 p.m. Central time.

MOTHER’S DAY, 6:33 P.M. I’m not having a very good day today. It’s my left foot again (still) … burning heel pain, that goddamn blister and my screaming baby toe. I take serious pain meds regularly, but they’re definitely not doing their job. This morning I was up at the crack of dawn, went back to bed (on the chaise) barely three hours later in agonizing pain, slept for five more hours, woke up in time to eat tuna salad on toast, and now I’m watching the tail end of the Players Championship PGA golf tournament … and the pain in my foot is agonizing yet again! I’ll have a conversation with my Baylor HouseCalls nurse practitioner when I see her at the end of the month. I clearly can’t go on like this. I have to be able to sit up comfortably and walk three steps to the commode!

This morning Shit-for-Brains-in-Chief Donald Trump managed to tweet a Mother’s Day message about his mother, Mary MacLeod, who died 18 years ago, but never bothered to mention the mothers of his own children … Ivana, Marla Maples and (of course) Melania, who’s the First Lady and mother of his youngest son, Barron! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS CLOWN?! Instead of spending Mother’s Day with his wife and son, he was already shooting golf at Trump International in Virginia, at 10:45 a.m. Frankly, good riddance ...

Shit-for-Brains-in-Chief Donald Trump.

I just asked Sam to make a bunch of steak fries for me. We buy Wal-Mart’s store brand … and they’re so fucking FABULOUS that I don’t even use any sauce or ketchup, just a sprinkling of regular salt! I’m hoping that steak fries will cheer me up enough tonight to forget about my goddamn left foot.

NEWS FLASH: Food can have seriously medicinal qualities for me. Especially if it’s Chinese!