Remembered the Alamo lately?

It’s Wednesday night, nearly 11 p.m., and I only have one subject on my mind for this post: TEEFS. Or rather, a lack of teefs.

This afternoon shortly after 5 p.m. Sam and I were sound asleep in the family room watching The Late George Apley (1947) starring Ronald Colman, and somebody starts knocking on the front door and ringing the doorbell. At first we figured it was UPS with another Wal-Mart delivery, but when the knocking didn’t stop Sam decided to get up and find out who’s annoying us. Whoa … IT WAS THE CREW FROM ELITE MOBILE DENTAL!

Vanessa Brown, Mildred Natwick and Ronald Colman in “The Late George Apley.”

Sam let them in, of course, but we were confused as hell because they never told us they were coming over. When we saw them on Monday — when they stopped by to take another round of impressions for a lower denture — they said they’d call to make an appointment as soon as the denture was ready. But this time they just dropped in, UNANNOUNCED, during nap-time. With my teefs.

Unfortunately, lower denture #3 was no better than lower denture #2 and lower denture #1. It looked better, but it didn’t fit better. The dentist suggested using globs of adhesive to keep the denture from sliding all over the place, but that’s a wretched idea because denture adhesive is SICKENING. The shit is literally glued to your gums and you have to scrape a terrycloth rag in your mouth to remove it.

No thank you.

Therefore I told the dentist I hated lower denture #3 and didn’t want it. She did her best sales routine to talk me into keeping it and “trying it for a few days,” but I reminded her that she’d promised us a refund if they couldn’t make a denture I was happy with. After three tries over a period of two months, I’M DONE. So she said she’d have the office manager call Sam tomorrow.

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And now it’s probably bedtime, already close to midnight, and Sam is asleep next to me on the sofa. Earlier we watched Mrs. Brown (1997), a magnificent love story starring Judi Dench as Queen Victoria, and now we’re watching Escape from Fort Bravo (1953) starring William Holden and Eleanor Parker, a dopey ripoff of the John Ford cavalry trilogy from the late 1940s. Sam conked out as soon as we started watching Escape from Fort Bravo.

Judi Dench and Billy Connolly in “Mrs. Brown.” A true story!

Thank you for stopping by and thank you for reading this. Remembered the Alamo lately?