There are two things happening this week at Howdygram headquarters.

Howdy-do, boys and girls. It’s 8:45 p.m., and Sam and I are watching Life Begins for Andy Hardy (1941) starring Mickey Rooney. I guess I was badly in need of a “pick-me-up” tonight after two days feeling like shit with zero appetite. Other than that, life has been totally swell. (I think.) And in case you’re interested, here’s a photo from the aforementioned Andy Hardy movie.

Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney in “Life Begins for Andy Hardy.”

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So here’s what’s happening at Howdygram headquarters this week. Two things.

MY FOOT ISSUES. I called my podiatrist’s office this morning to find out what’s what with a visiting nurse to take care of my shitty left foot, and the office manager told me they contracted with Physicans’ Choice Home Health to send me a wound care specialist ASAP. I’m supposed to hear from the agency tomorrow to arrange for a first appointment. Fortunately — and surprisingly — my heel is already on the mend and the pain is vastly reduced thanks to a simple Bactine antiseptic/topical anesthetic that Sam has been shpritzing on me. And my screaming baby toe isn’t screaming any more, either. It feels just fine!

MY TEEFS ISSUES. The crew from Elite Mobile Dental will here tomorrow (Wednesday) at 5 p.m. with my new lower denture … again. This time I’ve promised to give it a decent try-out with various kinds of adhesive, to decide which one works best. If none of them makes me happy I guess I’ll just deposit my denture in a ziploc bag and store it in the bathroom closet for a few years. Oy, right?

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An Einstein in Warren, Ohio, was shot yesterday by a kitchen appliance after his clever gun storage plan went slightly awry.

Forty-four-year-old Robin Garlock from Warren, Ohio, put his firearm in the broiler of his oven to keep it away from children in the house. However, Garlock failed to inform his girlfriend and she turned on the oven to cook. Shortly thereafter the intense heat caused the bullets to explode, and Garlock vaulted into the kitchen just in time to get hit by several bullets and bullet fragments from his Maytag oven.

Although his injuries are serious, Garlock will recover. What a shmo.

Robin Garlock (right), the Einstein who got shot by his Maytag oven.

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It’s awfully late and I’d better go to bed now. Thank you for putting up with me!