The Howdygram 2: Trust me, crab boat fisherman are NOT air force test pilots “reaching into the unknown.”

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Trust me, crab boat fisherman are NOT air force test pilots “reaching into the unknown.”

Top o’ the morning to you! (Oy. I think I’m delirious.) It’s an overcast Thursday a.m., seriously windy, and even though I’m a housebound old coot my eyes are watering from all the springtime pollen flying around outside. Does any of this make sense?

Onward ...

It was my dream today to walk all the way into the study with just my cane, sit down at my desk and get back to designing greeting cards for The Howdygram Store with my fancy-ass Adobe software and my big iMac computer. Except it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling weak from yesterday’s shitty mystery fever [read the post] … and even if I manage to shlep to the study I doubt if I’d have the strength to drag my body back to the family room afterwards. Therefore Sam convinced me to stop setting unrealistic goals for myself until I start working with a physical therapist. (He’s right, as usual.) So … tomorrow I’ll follow up with my contact (Brenda) at Physician’s Choice Homecare to find out when my sessions will get underway. I WANT TO START WALKING AGAIN!

After watching the season premier of “Deadliest Catch” I’m grieved to announce that Discovery just ruined a perfectly excellent reality show by adding some ridiculous artificial drama to a series that already plenty of real drama on its own. For instance …

Now in its 14th season, “Deadliest Catch” is characterizing their crab boat captains like fucking rock stars, with almost-comical inspirational narration, walking in slow motion with the wind in their hair, and so on. Trust me … THEY’RE NOT ROCK STARS.
They brought back the Cornelia Marie with moronic Jake Harris as captain simply because the boat’s former captain (and owner!) was his father, Phil. Phil Harris was a drug addict and alcoholic who had a stroke at sea and died a couple of years ago. He was 53. His nebbish sons inherited the Cornelia Marie and immediately sold it in order to live as well as possible, and now the older son (Jake) is suddenly back as captain because Discovery probably convinced the new owners that it was a smart (and lucrative) programming move. Phil was a useless POS and nobody also gives a crap about Jake.
Above the captain’s chair on the Cornelia Marie is a plaque that reads: “Phil Harris Memorial Wheelhouse.” Arrgh.

Meet Phil Harris, dead captain of the Cornelia Marie.

The background music is way too theatrical this year, and by the end of the premier episode we have Discovery elevating their rock star captains to the level of air force test pilots ... “reaching into the unknown.” Give me a fucking break. They’re FISHERMEN!

“Deadliest Catch” … there’s plenty of genuine drama for crab fishermen on the Bering Sea.

So here’s the big news in north Texas for Friday … THUNDERSTORMS! Actually, this is part of a huge nationwide weather outbreak tomorrow, with blizzards and heavy snow in the northern plains, ice in the midwest and powerful wind and thunderstorms — with possible tornadoes! — everywhere else. Howdygram headquarters is in the “possible tornatoes” area, which means we’ll probably wind up with a lousy satellite TV reception, a power outage or two, some booming thunder … AND A TWISTER. Woo-hoo! Auntie Em, Auntie Em! Stay tuned, okay?

You’ll be pleased to know that I felt quite well all day today, an amazing statement when you consider how fucking miserable I was yesterday, which included five hours with: 1) a spiking shitty mystery fever; 2) body aches; 3) jaw-clattering chills; and 4) an exploding bladder. This time, however, I actually began to display those symptoms between 1 and 5 p.m. when our maid was here, and Sam had to usher her out of the house for a few minutes whenever I struggled to stand up and take aim at a wee-wee pad. It was HORRIBLE, but this time I have no clue whatsoever why any of this happened. I don’t have a urinary tract infection, I don’t have cellulitis again, and I don’t have sepsis. I don’t have anything. What the fuck is going on?!

Thanks a bunch for reading this, okay? It’s always so nice to have company ...