In 2010 a nationwide salmonella outbreak led to the recall of half a billion eggs. That’s a lot of poisoned omelets!

We’re making progress today! Apparently the nursing assistant at Baylor HouseCalls passed along my referral to Agape Home Healthcare yesterday afternoon, and Agape is already preparing to set up my first appointment for physical therapy. Since I got home from the hospital at the end of March my mobility has been positively wretched, deteriorating from a full-time cane to a full-time walker with a cane-holder bolted to the right side rail. The bottom line: I HAVE TO START WALKING AGAIN. I still haven’t been able to shlep from the family room to my desk in the study so I can get back to designing mugs and greeting cards for The Howdygram Store with my beautiful iMac computer and my fancy-ass Adobe software. It’s already been 24 days … I feel like my creativity is shriveling up. Jesus!

The Howdygram is horrified to announce that Rose Acre Farms in Indiana has voluntarily recalled 206,749,248 eggs due to salmonella contamination. At least 22 illnesses have been reported. The eggs were sold to retail stores and restaurants, reaching consumers in Colorado, Florida, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Virginia and West Virginia.

Rose Acre Farms has recalled 206,749,248 eggs due to salmonella poisoning.

A genius at the FDA tweeted: “Consumers with these eggs shouldn’t eat them. Throw them away or return them to your place of purchase for a refund.” Brands affected include Country Daybreak, Coburn Farms, Crystal Farms, Sunshine Farms and Glenview, with some eggs sold at Food Lion stores.

Salmonella causes serious (and sometimes fatal) infections, especially in children, old coots and people with weakened immune systems. (I am both an old coot AND a person with a weakened immune system.) Chickens can pass the bacteria to eggs because the eggs leave hens through the same passageway as feces. Oh my God. I did NOT want to know this!

It could always be worse, though. In 2010 a nationwide salmonella outbreak led to the recall of half a billion eggs. That’s a lot of poisoned omelets!

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It’s a few minutes past 12 noon and Sam is outside walking on his new favorite trail. Sam is having a happy retirement. When he gets home from his walk he’ll eat chips and guacamole, take a short nap and then gallop over to Wal-Mart for a few packages of Hokkien noodles. FYI, Hokkien noodles are fully-cooked spaghetti-style pasta and they come in a twin-pack of generous single-serving pouches. Just pierce the pouch, nuke for 90 seconds and — WHAMMO! — you get an instant Italian dinner!*

*Don’t forget to add Italian meatballs, pasta sauce and a wad of parmesan cheese. Thank you.

Best product ever invented … fully-cooked spaghetti noodles in single-serving pouches!

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In case you’re wondering ... yes, people, I’m still collecting FREE FONTS, and I promise I’ll start posting them in the Howdygram again as soon as I can shlep myself back into the study and load them onto my iMac. I’ve got dozens and dozens of free fonts that I haven’t shared with you yet, which means there’s something you can look forward to … hopefully in time for Mother’s Day! A few font names include Arktica, Brainfish, Domotika, Easterica, Elowen, Evening News, Malarky, Onetime Script, Retrology, Sandwich Marker and Woullien Script. Oh boy, right?

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Ah, bedtime at last. It’s almost 10:30 p.m. on a peaceful Wednesday night, and Sam and I are enjoying one of our all-time favorite musicals ... 1776 starring William Daniels and Ken Howard. Sing to me, John Adams!