Fizzy beverages are a very big hoo-hah for me.

SATURDAY, 5:15 P.M., 3/31/2018. In honor of Passover — and to celebrate tonight’s second seder — Sam and I are watching Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments (1956) starring Charlton Heston (Moses! Moses!) and Yul Brynner, and about an hour from now I’ll order a traditional Jewish dinner from King China: Chicken Egg Foo Young and a herd of Steamed Dumplings with hot sauce.

Behold Egg Foo Young … an exquisite Chinese feast that comes with gravy!

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I’m having another difficult day today, people. This time it’s severe chronic pain in addition to other miserable shit. This includes: 1) the skin on the back of both thighs, which feels like a third-degree burn; 2) my goddamn arthritic knees; 3) an uncontrollable bladder; and 4) a growing case of depression, because this mornig I tried to walk from the family room to the study and couldn’t even make it halfway. The point is, I’ve been home from the hospital almost a week and I DON’T THINK I CAN WALK ANY MORE. I can’t believe I’m saying this, and I don’t know what to do about it. So I’ll call my Baylor HouseCalls nurse practitioner on Monday and find out if she can arrange for some physical therapy here at home. I’m not exactly in any shape for exercise, but there has to be something I can do to start walking again!

Please stay tuned for additional developments. Oy.

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SUNDAY, 9:40 A.M., 4/1/2018. To those of you who observe, here’s wishing all goyim far and wide a very pleasant Easter ... a holiday that has nothing whatsoever to do with eggs and rabbits. (But you probably already know that.) Enjoy your baked ham, gentile potatoes and Jell-O mold, okay?

As I write this post Sam is galloping up and down the aisles at Wal-Mart, shopping for a few sacks of essentials. These include: 1) canned carrots; 2) Jimmy Dean brown & serve sausage patties; 3) cream; 4) various cans of Campbell’s soup; 5) white bread; 6) Wal-Mart’s store brand chicken lunch meat; 7) pepper jack cheese; 8) Annie Chun’s white sticky rice; and 9) several dozen one-liter bottles of Clear American carbonated water that come in the most amazing fruit flavors EVER, such as Fuji Apple, Wild Berry, Golden Peach, Cherry Limeade, Key Lime, Black Cherry, Strawberry and Mandarin Orange. We actually stock all of these flavors here at Howdygram headquarters. Fizzy beverages are a VERY big hoo-hah for me. (Deal with it, okay?)

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There’s nothing on my agenda today aside from watching movies — Grounds for Marriage (1950) starring Van Johnson and Kathryn Grayson — and eating a couple of meals that will begin with Cream of Celery soup for a decadent late breakfast (as soon as Sam gets home from Wal-Mart) and leftover Chicken Egg Foo Young from last night.

Please make an effort to remember the Alamo and thank you for reading this.