On Monday I’ll set in motion a crunchfest of epic proportions that includes pretzel rods and a kosher hot dog.

Bananas are a perfect and beautiful snack. They’re yellow, they’re squishy and sweet, they’re easy to eat even if you still don’t have any lower teeth, and they provide a necessary shot of potassium in case you’re taking a high-powered diuretic such as Lasix. And as a bonus … you can slice your banana onto a black cherry Jell-O cup with Cool Whip and PRETEND YOU’RE EATING A FUCKING SUNDAE! Woo-hoo!

That previous paragraph is a classic example of what happens to your brain after 25mg of Norco. Frightening, isn’t it?

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This might be William Holden month on Turner Classic Movies, but they’re also airing a lot of excellent Errol Flynn films! So far Sam and I have enjoyed Charge of the Light Brigade (1936) co-starring Olivia de Havilland and Patric Knowles, Dodge City (1939) co-starring Olivia de Havilland, The Dawn Patrol (1938) co-starring David Niven and Basil Rathbone, and Virginia City (1940) co-starring Randolph Scott and Miriam Hopkins. Trust me, we LOVE these movies, and I want to give several of them a permanent home on our DVR … especially Virginia City, Charge of the Light Brigade and The Dawn Patrol.

Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland in “Charge of the Light Brigade.”

Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland in “Dodge City.” In Technicolor!

David Niven and Errol Flynn in “The Dawn Patrol.”

Randolph Scott and Errol Flynn in “Virginia City.”

As long as I’m focused on my favorite subject — MOVIES, of course — Sam and I just finished watching HBO’s Paterno (2018) starring Al Pacino. I guess the only observation I can make is this: I can’t believe it’s already been SEVEN YEARS since the Jerry Sandusky scandal hit the fan! Seven years … and it was followed almost immediately by Joe Paterno’s termination, the demise (and imprisonment) of Penn State’s president and upper echelon, a $62 million fine against the university, nullification of its NCAA standing and wins, and (of course) Sandusky’s conviction on 45 counts of criminal sexual abuse of children. Holy shit.

Al Pacino as the title character in HBO’s “Paterno.”

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Monday’s a BIG DAY here, people … a day I’ve been waiting for since the first of the year, when I began seeing a team from Elite Mobile Dental to extract my seven remaining lower teeth and make me a lower denture. Following multiple postponements due to poor health (mine) and two hospitalizations (also mine … duh!), Elite Mobile Dental is finally delivering my lower denture at noon ... and shortly thereafter I’ll set in motion a crunchfest of epic proportions that includes pretzel rods and a kosher hot dog from Five Guys with a pickle spear.

I’ll provide additional information after my Monday appointment and subsequent hot dog. In the meantime, thank you for reading this.