Tomorrow I’m expecting Elite Mobile Dental to show up with my lower denture. Finally!

News flash from Howdygram headquarters: I’m not sure I like Campbell’s Cream of Onion soup. I ordered two small cans last week from Wal-Mart because I already love Cream of Celery and Cream of Chicken … but Cream of Onion was a dud on every level and I couldn’t eat more than four spoons of that tasteless crap. So here I sit, waiting for Sam to wake up from his afternoon nap so we can eat some normal food for dinner.

It’s 5:30. I wonder how long I should let him sleep ...

In the meantime I’m amusing myself with Trouble in Store (1953) starring Norman Wisdom and Margaret Rutherford, an adorable Brit comedy about a disastrously clumsy department store mail room employee (Wisdom) and a compulsive shoplifter/kleptomaniac (Rutherford) who can’t stop stuffing her suitcases with anything she gets her hands on. Norman Wisdom’s two best scenes: 1) trying his luck at window-dressing with fine china; and 2) when he sets his tux on fire at the annual employee appreciation banquet.

Margaret Rutherford as a hard-core shoplifter with store employee Norman Wisdom.

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Tomorrow will be a big hoo-hah around here because I’m expecting Elite Mobile Dental to show up with my lower denture — finally! — so I can get back to biting, chewing and crunching like a normal human being. Two weeks ago they delivered a denture that not only didn’t fit … it was also the wrong color! They owe me a successful denture this time around because I’ve been very patient (I had my extractions back in January!) and remarkably sweet about their not-very-funny comedy of errors. I’ll call the scheduling secretary in the morning to find out what time they plan to show up. Please stay tuned for more information. Thank you.

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Apparently Trump’s personal lawyer/consigliere Michael Cohen is having a few rough spots.

One of Cohen’s complaints to the Court about his FBI raid a couple of weeks ago? “As the Court is surely aware, there is a growing public debate about whether criminal and congressional investigations by the government are being undertaken impartially and free of any political bias or partisan motivation.”

Nice try, Michael. Congress and the FBI are controlled by Republicans, but you go right ahead and tell Judge Wood that you can’t get a fair shake. That’s definitely a SOLID PLAN. This is almost as funny as Donald Trump whining about “obstruction” from Congress and the Senate … which are both controlled by Republicans!

Poor Michael. Unloved, unwanted and indicted.

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A million thanks for putting up with me today! And when you get a chance, please don’t forget to remember the Alamo.