The Howdygram 2: The best meal in town … cheese blintzes and pickled beets.

Monday, April 2, 2018

The best meal in town … cheese blintzes and pickled beets.

Greetings, salutations and a big fat happy Monday from Howdygram headquarters! Sam is at Tom Thumb stocking up on a variety of our favorite frozen Jewish delicacies … POTATO PANCAKES AND BLINTZES! He’s also buying sour cream (for the aforementioned potato pancakes and blintzes) and two cans of pickled beets. (I love pickled beets.) The Tom Thumb supermarket in north Dallas is the only spot in town to buy Kosher products. They even have a completely Kosher deli where you can stock up on corned beef, pastrami, chopped liver, etc., and a Kosher bakery with fresh bagels, rolls, Jewish rye and challah. Of course, the bread and rolls won’t be available this week due to everybody’s in the middle of Passover — and busy stuffing themselves with matzo — until April 7. Oy vey.

The Howdygram is grieved to announce that the USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service has issued a recall of more than 7,000 pounds of raw beef products that were shipped to Alabama, Arkansas, Indiana, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas and Wisconsin with establishment number “EST. 34715” on the packaging. This is all very weird and mysterious, because the USDA hasn’t really said anything concrete about why these products have been recalled … only that consumers are being warmed to avoid this shit like the plague and throw them away immediately. The affected products include various-sized packages of diced beef seasoned for tacos, preseasoned beef for fajitas and assorted beef flank steaks. Holy crap, right?

Don’t eat this shit. The Howdygram recommends cheese blintzes and pickled beets instead.

On a personal note, please allow me to recommend a safe and tasty diet of cheese blintzes with a can of pickled beets. Nobody ever dropped dead eating blintzes and beets. Thank you.

My team from Elite Mobile Dental was here a few minutes ago to do a last fitting for my lower denture. They showed up with a wax model — with real denture teeth in it! — that actually felt not bad at all when I tried them on.

This is so exciting I almost can’t stand it. MY LAST FITTING! The dentist said I should have my new choppers about a week from now, at which time I can commence crunching and chewing everything that’s been off-limits for the last 35 years because I’ve had zero lower molars and a pile of weak, broken teeth. Please stay tuned for further developments, okay?

Sam and I are enjoying a pleasant day of movies. We just finished No Highway in the Sky (1951) starring James Stewart and Marlene Dietrich, and now we’re watching Merrily We Live (1938), an adorable screwball comedy starring Constance Bennett and Brian Aherne.